The Run

It was my dose of adrenaline, every moment in life was a Run for me, it had become such an inseparable part of me, I barely had any existence without it. Sometimes a few moments in life such just the way you were made and it settles into our soul, it becomes our whole being and we define ourselves through it. That is what the run was for me.

I once found true love, the best of all kinds, no games, no falsehood, just plain love. I didn’t believe in it but then things happen, this happened too. It hit me hard in the face when I realized how much someone now meant to me. It was like finding a lost part of my soul in the world. She was an artist of various forms, free and creative. She could make art out of plain colors just like that and I could see it. Words stringed together to me beautiful pieces of poetry, each of them bearing such deep resemblance to the greys of life. She believed in soulmates, in flowers and rocks and gardens and dreams. I had long learned life was more mundane than that, more real and nothing of that was coming our way, we needed to feed ourselves. But she didn’t care. She kept her dreams in a little box and kept believing in them. So I visited them sometimes and soon enough, I was addicted to it, the hope. She was that friend of mine I could share anything with. The friend who was more……maybe the missing part of my soul. And yet, I didn’t believe in soulmates….did I ?

So, I let her go when the time had come. I owed love nothing, a man like me never did. My ties with human things were reduced to a nil. Cold and real I was. She asked me sometimes before she left what I’d think of the times we spent. My heart beat hard with the hope of her staying and my mind kept pounding with the dread of my dependence. So I let her go, telling myself it was the best thing to do. No wait, no sacrifice, no vulnerability. And the run began……run from myself. I have never let my conscience ever speak again for I don’t like what it tries to say.

I always run fast enough to keep my soul in my body but slow enough for the two to merge. We maintain a distance, the exact one and that’s what makes the run so special, it is the run, I run from myself.