Let go

deceased by the typing virus!
Let this not be true but I'l let go now for being too persuasive could leave us nowhere and yet I just don't know how- but I must


The mystery in you I saw,
Long before when things weren't wrong at all,
I don't crave solitude,
Yet I plunge in it so often and I can see you're right next to me;

What words do
I don't know,
For words I never had
For those humble beings who could tend to me,
Who knew just when I would cry,
When I would feel shy;

I've tried to cling on
After I noticed how your drifting was no solace,
And yet I feel your not what I thought,
The player, the casanova,
What others said to me
But what my soul betrays;

I didn't wish a passing smile,
For i'm not hungry for fame,
But all I thought was of it's chastity,
And with my faith I had ventured
Into depths never discovered before;

Yet,today I see things mistily fogged,
You never let things be plain,
But I loved the mystery,
It kept me guessing;
Yet I was never sure
Unless I thought you drifted for me,
I would have too if I were sure,
You are what you pretend;

And I will take the final plunge,
Life will never be different for me,
For what i'm worth I will have it,
None can testify it,
None can pull me back,
But some can stay beside,
As a support I will need to
Face reality again;

Persistent I've been,
Overstretched I have the rubber band,
Now i'm unsettled though,
But I must refrain,
In no other way shall I come to you,
I cannot it's a promise I made,
But keep no idea of underestimations,
As the person within was what I saw,
And it is not compromise that unites the perfect,
But the free spirits that can walk  parallel,
Yet never collide;

I leave it to you,
Apparent short communication will be all I'll do,
The rest I leave to you,
To decide whether you're the guy I saw,
Or the one the world did!
I want to question you right now,
To clarify what I might have missed,
But I must refrain,
I must let go..............

health ho!

Insanity bestows in us only with slight furry! It is odd how I come upon to write this today but not before. I often don't tend to phrasing unless it is the need of another. I probably realized how those certain things that plague my mind are probably the greatest insecurities of plenty many.
When you close ur eyes ur at complete peace yet at times when u close ur eyes u are a victim of nightmares.!
This is where we understand it is not the eye lids which give us peace but the mere security that everything will be the same when we open our eyes.
          The note might be philosophical but please bear with me!
Do 1 thing - just a task. Close ur eyes and think of the most precious thing in ur life. Open ur eyes only when ur sure.
Now imagine it gets lost!
This is in terms of addressing ur greatest insecurity. U live by it, u eat it, sleep it, drink it yet not realising it!
Our insecurities are never well addressed unless a jolt of loss is faced be it small or big.
Once initiated, our mind reflects such loss in terms of nightmares.
Sound sleep is a blessing, 1 that only children can experience. At the age of 20 incase u haven't faced much of a disaster u might be lucky to experience this bliss for some times. But as of  now, in this fast paced world it is seldom possible to keep frustrations away. To sleep in peace becomes a dream!
Certainly u have figured ur insecurity by now i guess?......
Let me guess- it is the closest bond u have ever made with a human!
Any1 who has a material object / some goal- to u i must advice do some meditation ur not at the right spot yet!
Humans are social animals and it will never change. No matter how often you love being alone, the truth is u haven't found a friend worthy of complete trust. If u would (it can be ur mom, dad,gf,bff or even god) u will always feel thrilled at how ur heavy heart can weigh less. Sufferings are a part of life......but yes if u donot accept it then do something about it. At the fag end of life donot die with a regret "I didn't try".
Some time back-long ago, medical discovery had actually shown a mother turned into a doctor while looking for a cure for her son!Yes that is the power of trying.
We don't merely respect doctors!They're not the only people we can turn to but they are our medium of hope.In their hands lie our special bond without which life is living dead!
Being an atheist , this might have turned you off! But pls donot think they care less. It is just that they believe in only things they see. If u have witnessed a miracle maybe this person hasn't. Infact their belief is stronger as it is ultimate.
Mostly why have I put across this topic of insecurity in such unordered way? I just came across the same insecurity with a couple of my friends. It hardly is an appeal but a favor which will be duly paid. 
For just 2secs which I borrow of you pray for every other person other than urself. It has 2 benefits
1)u feel great after 2secs
2)some other person has just prayed for u.
It is less of a prayer but a thought about every other person save ourselves in this self centered life. Some things which your thought cannot invoke, may be some1 else's thoughts can.
Thankyou in advance.I too will take this exercise immediately.

living in reverie

Have u ever come across yourself staring into nothing?.......gauging wilderness?......have u missed a few heart beats?.......have u missed consciousness for few moments?.......have u lived in reverie?


part(1)

Dusky roads surround my vision,
Though there is no fog,
There is no smog;
The sun rays make a rainbow through my window,
While I float in an unseen tempt,
I proclaim the oncoming fears,
And yet I walk into wilderness;


In flashes they come,
The harsh world it seems,
And yet again I smile,
At the void dream I weave;
With the blinking eye,
I transfigure,
Between the sweet and the harsh;

I happen to see,
What I want to,
Is this nice?
Because I live in reverie........

I put a face to the shadow till date,
I have a sketch complete now,
In my mind I forward and rewind,
To figure out how much my reverie be called so?

Silly me, I hit my head......
I miss my practical self,
From time to time I try hard to return,
To live in the harsh,
To remember that some dreams come true,
But not the ones that weave out of clouds.....
My mind hath woven an explicit tale,
And I still walk in it,
Is this nice?
I donot know, for I live in reverie.....

With the sudden horn I revive,
Standing in the middle of the road I see,
The willow tree seems laughing at me,
The driver slashing horrid words at me,
None of which I can hear,
I slip again into the times of reverie......


------------------------------------------------------------------------
part(2)

No horn I hear,
No blood I see,
Have I been taken into the bed of clouds?
My disturbed mind smells peace,
In a weary way I turn around;
There I see my dream my true,
One that had been built out of clouds,
I see the figure both bold and true,
Standing here in agony;

The thought of achievement
Over the thought of misery,
Had my reverie been the cause of tear?
I slowly walked the real road,
To decide the fate of my reverie,
This MAN, part of my reverie,
Had saved a life I had given up,
And yet again I became the cause of his misery,
Trapped in my dream,
He felt claustrophobic!

I extend my arm,
And wipe the tear,
I near him and whisper,"You are free"......
At once the eyes sparkle bright,
He runs away into the wilderness,
And at once my shallow reverie is turned into a shadow again,
In it I promise never to find,
A man again from the real world,
For I cannot find one so pure,
And thus I must quit reverie myself,
For I lived in reverie............

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part(3)

20years like exile I spent,
No peace,No passion,
No reason to live by,
And today I decide to walk to the wilderness,
To unite again and lose myself;

I happen to hear an approaching step,
I think it must be a squirrel,
My crippled self feels the bark,
How old had replaced young;
My weak eyelashes feel some warmth,
An instant of fervour,
I restrain myself....from going into reverie;
No horn I hear,
No blood I see,
Have I been taken into the bed of clouds?
My disturbed mind smells peace,
In a weary way I turn around;
Those same blue eyes pierce my crippled soul,
He might not know but it had no more strength to bear;
I look through my glasses and see the same smile,
I have a feeling I had done the right,
He raises his hand and holds his ears,
I stare in awe like unable to apprehend,
He then says with his crippled self ,
   "I wasted 20 years in this wilderness,
      for I knew you would return to reverie"

I must have smiled,
I donot know,
For when I'm in reverie,
I'm just not what I want of me........

enigma

endowed with beauty,grace and individuality,
Anya Kings was yet a mystery;
Her hair tied usually into an untidy bun,
She gazed into the crown;
She barely met anyone's eyes,
But if someone did do so....
or could look a little better than superficial
she made the perfect mystery;

Known to very few,
She and her talents,
Lay behind her desk was a painting she made,
And plenty more hobbies she pursued;
In her bag was found just enough books,
But in her mind was games,bikes,horses and more;

Such a lady was no more at ease........what is it?-enigma????

She questioned her frenzy,
Her miscalculated gestures,
Her absent mind,
And her frequent visit to those eyes.......
Was it dream?
Was it real?
Was it what she needed or was it again a passing phase?

Need it be said,
Again and again we must not fall,
Into the same river,
Where there is so much water that we must drown......
And yet again,
here she was,
Calling out to the dark,
Walking the same path,
Waiting to fall into the gushing water;

Had her trials not been invain?
Had she not learnt to live without it......
Why again then do those eyes haunt,
Wherein she sees warmth;
If she's mislead like those 2yrs ago,
Will this be not painful yet,
Or will her trust over the failing win?

Will the hollow dimming hope
Glitter in the night,
Or will it bring more gloom?
Here she is still on the path,
Yet again to venture the truth,
To know what lay behind,
That had been untold........

Listened not she to her brave mind,
In coordination with her self
She tried again and again,
To leave the untold note some meaning,
To let the truth still be out
-be it soothing/sombre or vulgar;


While in this visit,
She decided not to back,
She has laid down her preference,
She has looked into those eyes,
She has given him a chance,
She has proclaimed her thoughts-mind and soul,
That be the same frequency,
That be a soul,
It will hear and does it connect,
Her faith lies in the bitter truth,
She awaits her answer
And will wait hither
Unless the devouring devil's eyes meet hers
And ask her to stay or leave,
And that will be forever!

loving hatred

At some times in life
We are over-passionate,
Sometimes over-possessive,
And sometimes over-powering,
But in this whole struggle  we seem to make unwilling mistakes;

Not to open up is not a shield,
At times it is a necessity,
No matter how hard you try,
Somehow it is never all-proof;

Having to know you must self-help,
We must let ourselves be in some restrictions,
Some that does not harm you or the one in front,
But yet again i said it was never all-proof;

Despite the fact that 'jealousy' is a negative feeling,
Inspite of several disasters already,
We eventually fall,
Fall for another twist,
In search of adventure,comfort,security,
Yet again the insecurities are overwhelmed,
And it comes to the severe halt we are scared of;

But then ofcourse,
We were suppose to behave,
To know that fairy tales were a part of neverland,
With a heart of stone we must begin again,
To explore the depths of void skies,
And yet again we must learn to give away,
That which only our mind had started to believe!

The 'typical' indian woman

I savour some things,

Things that belong here;
I donot say that the others I dislike,
But here I like it more!

The innocence still bestowed,
The yet so sincere hesitation,

The thought yet so difficult,
The nut yet so tough to crack!

The injustice met,

Ashamed I am;
For such innocence be bled,
Such heinous are our crimes;

But the holi land,
That embodies woman with those pretty black eyes;
That cry not for all,
But bleed in the name of her 'love';

I salute the spirit,
The thought of her eternal love,
That say not her bliss,
But made her a single vow;

And the vow is so precious,
For her it is life;
I know not when I shall have one,
But the one I will keep close;
For I know the treasure so is priceless......
-From a 'foreign bargain' addressed to the land of culture-INDIA

 

2 STATES

The conflict is sometimes too grave to deal with,
The heart yearning one but mind straining it's will,
The cause of your beloved friend
When clashed with the newly found rent;

The clasped hands,
And the vow to be best friends,
The holy thought,
The casting shadows;

Some weary thoughts cloud my way,
I cannot see clear,
Of the formed idea of a dear friend,
And the kindness sought in his present absence;

I fond my ideas on whom to choose,
But i know that the life is dead without both,
Where I sought love,friendship,
Denial does come as rear;

I still depend on both my feet,
I cannot stand without any,
And yet again I can see,
They donot trust in me;

Have i wronged a several times,
I beg your pardon,
Do tell me my flaws,
For flaws not said and kept unheard pains,
They reap the fruit of guilded hatred on baseless thoughts......
Give me a chance,
U may not know the whole story,
Let me explain,
For i've never lied and never will I,
The bond I wish to keep
Before it ceases......
And no matter how hard you try
No matter how the conflict thrives,
The BOND I weaved was true to all depths
And it shall never cease
Even if words do!

All i'd say is sometimes,
It is not the unheard words that sound,
But weave misleading thoughts,
Try me........
I haven't defied you.....I never will,
I still will say 'self esteem' re read 'ego'
See through it and think of the fond times,
I was there,
I'm still there ready to make amends,
But I'm human you must know,
And flaws do bear a seed in me too!

If the human in me you defy,
The stranger who has made the things crash
Will prove his strength was merely too much for
The BOND to take.....
And the other one I talk of,
I seemed no-worth,
But the trials are no-failure.......
A keeper of bonds,
A keeper of thoughts,
Reveal to none-I have such beads never freed!

The broken wall

The water trickled down the mossy red bricks,
Huddled in them was a tiny creature,
No matter how much it tried.....
The wall held on it's cloak;

The sun's ray afraid to penetrate,
The human voice unable to reverberate,
The feeble life struggling to live......
But afraid to see what lays beyond;

The sky darkens,clouds break through,
The wind blows with a dilemma of direction,
And there the human voice must sound
The ultimate chance that it has now......

The phone beeped.....
"hi" was all it said but the wall had broken,
had released the fear,
the creature before it died under it's breadth!