In the last few years, I've read over some stuff and come across various people and their idea of love. It's true we as individuals have our perceptions about 'friendships' and the cliche narrows down when it comes down to 'romance'. I am plain old school, I've been in the grey and confused areas too but emerged with crystal clear views on mine thankfully. On mapping the thought process, I have noticed some commonalities and some logical flaws from them. I intend to discuss on these. This article is opinionated and conclusive in nature - which is mine. You may choose to keep just the patterns.
Older System
-Limited options. Lifestyle standardized. Moderate ambitions. Marriages (love or not) generally limited to restricted communities, if not, that took some effort in convincing. Love was a one-way street - marriage (life long commitment). Women mostly compromised a little more and spoke out a little less. Women were a little less ambitious and outspoken. Communication and expression needed more effort
Implication - We are agitated with the restrain in freedom of choice. However, concentrate on working things out.
Newer System
-Lots of options. Average exposure of an individual increased. Easily connected through social media. Marriages/Live in/Casual much more acceptable. Love is not a one-way street, it can be perceived differently and there's a lot of confusion here, a lot of the people do not know what they are looking for. Women emerged to be more demanding in terms of relationships and ambitions. Communication has become extremely convenient through texts
Implication - Dilemma of choice, reduced tenacity. Concentrate on convenience.
In an ideal situation, one should have the freedom of choice and the 'newer system' definitely gives one that and it is great. However, like all things, this too comes with its pros and cons. It can become a situation where the flights passengers debate on how to fly the plane instead of the pilot. What I mean is, just because the flight is carrying the passengers, it doesn't mean they are the best people to fly it. Similarly, just because the life choice is mine, it doesn't mean I am skilled to make the optimal decision. I want to retain my rights, however there is a major skill gap on the educational front. We glide through academics more easily than we do in personal lives when it comes to relationships. Notice the gap of learning. Our decision making is purely based on our past experiences - which will result in random choices and extremely bad ones. This is particularly true when various studies (conducted in Harvard) have studied most successful couples and figured out the major reasons of they working out was 'the working out mindset' and 'friendship'. Here comes the shift in mindset.
With increased choices, romance has increasingly become a mode of 'the better physically satisfying partner' or 'compatibility'. This is in contradiction to the major solid foundations of a long term partnership. If you notice the best couples around you aren't as much alike one another, they may be total opposites but they still work extremely well. The concept of compatibility can be a fancy giving a convenient excuse for things to not work. The point of 'love' is very contradictory to the nature of 'convenience'.
'Love' (monogamous) demands commitment, grows with trust, friendship, partnership and takes time to grow into anything solid. It is more of a mental decision where the effort is on working things out. Under situations of extreme chemistry and quick random acts could lead to a bad choice and end in extreme incompatibility. Signs of lust/attraction were mistook for love. Love takes time, always. Magic takes time - wake up! Ideally, there's no love that wouldn't work, as in love you accept the value (with good and bad) and choose to work on it.
'Convenience' on the other hand works on never settling and looking the best value from the other side. This is eased with ever growing dating sites, options etc. It's convenient to get married.....why would we put in the effort of actually dating anybody now? Here's the flaw, right here. The convenient mind set can only give you the best option, it is still an option. The real deal is winning someone over, knowing them and loving them for who they are. It also involves yourself receiving love as you are. Not impression, just the real you. It doesn't matter if you've dated 200 girls/boys, you got some quick first impression tricks - great! What next? The rest is based on a boring journey of getting to genuinely know someone and winning each other over, the serious stuff and the real deal. Through this comes emotional security. Our convenient lifestyles have already taken from us the skills of developing relations. We are obsessed with how ones looks, charms etc. The brownie points are in some real life skills like cooking, accounts, home aids, managing life. Outside food will end you up with cholesterol.....some boring things are important. The good news - learn it the unconventional way.
So, I believe, we are not using the 'love letters', the natural triggers, the calls (way more personal), putting in effort and working things out. There are times where one feels 'casual' is what one wants. That's your decision to make.....thing of the pros and cons. I don't see any investment in love worth it unless it chooses to stay for you, no matter how flawed you are. Love comes with a promise to stay, what else does it offer anyway.
This one's my perspective. The intention is educational, however a lot of this will be my perspective, so it may sound opinionated. Read to understand my philosophy.....doesn't harm, does it? Just to be clear, it may also seem like I am proclaiming pure traditional beliefs and supporting social hypocritics. I am not a rebel without cause, I am not dead against culture and tradition, infact I enjoy the intermingling, I only object to any differentiation in its basis. Otherwise, there's a lot to learn from each.
Reference
- I have put together a lot of this from studies I read over past 2 years.
Older System
-Limited options. Lifestyle standardized. Moderate ambitions. Marriages (love or not) generally limited to restricted communities, if not, that took some effort in convincing. Love was a one-way street - marriage (life long commitment). Women mostly compromised a little more and spoke out a little less. Women were a little less ambitious and outspoken. Communication and expression needed more effort
Implication - We are agitated with the restrain in freedom of choice. However, concentrate on working things out.
Newer System
-Lots of options. Average exposure of an individual increased. Easily connected through social media. Marriages/Live in/Casual much more acceptable. Love is not a one-way street, it can be perceived differently and there's a lot of confusion here, a lot of the people do not know what they are looking for. Women emerged to be more demanding in terms of relationships and ambitions. Communication has become extremely convenient through texts
Implication - Dilemma of choice, reduced tenacity. Concentrate on convenience.
In an ideal situation, one should have the freedom of choice and the 'newer system' definitely gives one that and it is great. However, like all things, this too comes with its pros and cons. It can become a situation where the flights passengers debate on how to fly the plane instead of the pilot. What I mean is, just because the flight is carrying the passengers, it doesn't mean they are the best people to fly it. Similarly, just because the life choice is mine, it doesn't mean I am skilled to make the optimal decision. I want to retain my rights, however there is a major skill gap on the educational front. We glide through academics more easily than we do in personal lives when it comes to relationships. Notice the gap of learning. Our decision making is purely based on our past experiences - which will result in random choices and extremely bad ones. This is particularly true when various studies (conducted in Harvard) have studied most successful couples and figured out the major reasons of they working out was 'the working out mindset' and 'friendship'. Here comes the shift in mindset.
With increased choices, romance has increasingly become a mode of 'the better physically satisfying partner' or 'compatibility'. This is in contradiction to the major solid foundations of a long term partnership. If you notice the best couples around you aren't as much alike one another, they may be total opposites but they still work extremely well. The concept of compatibility can be a fancy giving a convenient excuse for things to not work. The point of 'love' is very contradictory to the nature of 'convenience'.
'Love' (monogamous) demands commitment, grows with trust, friendship, partnership and takes time to grow into anything solid. It is more of a mental decision where the effort is on working things out. Under situations of extreme chemistry and quick random acts could lead to a bad choice and end in extreme incompatibility. Signs of lust/attraction were mistook for love. Love takes time, always. Magic takes time - wake up! Ideally, there's no love that wouldn't work, as in love you accept the value (with good and bad) and choose to work on it.
'Convenience' on the other hand works on never settling and looking the best value from the other side. This is eased with ever growing dating sites, options etc. It's convenient to get married.....why would we put in the effort of actually dating anybody now? Here's the flaw, right here. The convenient mind set can only give you the best option, it is still an option. The real deal is winning someone over, knowing them and loving them for who they are. It also involves yourself receiving love as you are. Not impression, just the real you. It doesn't matter if you've dated 200 girls/boys, you got some quick first impression tricks - great! What next? The rest is based on a boring journey of getting to genuinely know someone and winning each other over, the serious stuff and the real deal. Through this comes emotional security. Our convenient lifestyles have already taken from us the skills of developing relations. We are obsessed with how ones looks, charms etc. The brownie points are in some real life skills like cooking, accounts, home aids, managing life. Outside food will end you up with cholesterol.....some boring things are important. The good news - learn it the unconventional way.
So, I believe, we are not using the 'love letters', the natural triggers, the calls (way more personal), putting in effort and working things out. There are times where one feels 'casual' is what one wants. That's your decision to make.....thing of the pros and cons. I don't see any investment in love worth it unless it chooses to stay for you, no matter how flawed you are. Love comes with a promise to stay, what else does it offer anyway.
This one's my perspective. The intention is educational, however a lot of this will be my perspective, so it may sound opinionated. Read to understand my philosophy.....doesn't harm, does it? Just to be clear, it may also seem like I am proclaiming pure traditional beliefs and supporting social hypocritics. I am not a rebel without cause, I am not dead against culture and tradition, infact I enjoy the intermingling, I only object to any differentiation in its basis. Otherwise, there's a lot to learn from each.
Reference
- I have put together a lot of this from studies I read over past 2 years.
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