Grey.....

On a small note, I'm a non-grey person - everything in life belongs to a box 'black' or 'white' (often represented as good or bad). It helps in keeping a sorted and simple life. But then as life moves on there are these areas you'll never be able to classify, sometimes because you simple don't want to, knowing full well in your heart where they belong. You want to hold on to them, you still want to try. That's what we do, we survive, we fix things. And someday we realise we were trying to fix something which was not broken in the first place. Dilemma?.....Now you see 'Grey' !


On shorter notes,
I should have said 'good bye',
I wanted to,
And yet I couldn't,
Not that the hurt stop me,
Even though it hurt like hell,
No, that never stops me,
It was more of leaving a wounded soul yet again,
That stopped me;

I've known the other side of things,
What it is, the feel of lonesome pain,
And not have the warmth around oneself,
I've known to cover myself with the tattered blankets,
And I do not wish in hell for another soul to go through it,
So even if it pains,
I stay.....I always stay,
Even if it means,
I diminish,
I become less,
I find my self hollowed,
I hold on to saving another soul from falling into that deep dark pit;

I emerged happy and joyful,
But the pain, it killed me,
And not many will be able to bear it,
Not many will live after this pain,
Not many can forgive and not seek revenge,
So I stay,
Maybe just as a friend,
But I try.....till the very end,
I try to hold you all along!


And thus get written in my life's pages as unaccounted 'Greys'

The birthday card....from my 'father'

I had my 22nd card in my hand,
I was reading the words,
And all of a sudden I realised,
How fake it was,
How I was trying to keep myself alive,
Trying to feel loved,
With those words in there,
That I had personally selected;

From the 5th year,
From the time I haven't seen him,
From the time he's been gone,
I thought he'll write to me,
For he loved me,
The father daughter thing,
We had that;

And the letter never came,
I waited for the birthday card,
I waited for the school letters,
I waited and waited.....
But it never came;

So I thought,
Maybe he was stuck,
Maybe there was a reason,
Maybe it'll come some day,
Maybe it's on its way,
Maybe it's coming from another country,
Maybe it got lost,
Maybe this and maybe that......

And from the 6th year,
I decided to buy myself a card,
That he would have given me,
And then when finally his letter actually comes,
I'd be thrilled and overjoyed;

So with this card today,
On my 22nd birthday,
I feel alone in a room of crowd,
I feel that pit in my stomach growing bigger,
I feel my father leaving me once again,
And I feel it's my fault,
I feel it so intensely once again,
I feel I cannot feel;


-Inspired by 'Playing it cool'

To everyone who's read this, I could not express the fear of abandonment to one millionth of what it really is. I really hope each of you take care to never abandon a human, no matter what. Stick around, people need people

The festival of Diwali

This is one of the most popular festivals in India - it's impact can be best seen in the northern and western parts of the country. Southern parts (specially intercultural cities & towns) also celebrate this, however the impact seems a lot lesser.

The whole festival is based on the return of Lord Rama (from epic Ramayana) to his kingdom after 14 long years of 'Vanvas (forrest stay)'. The Vanvas was a command of the then king (father of Lord Rama).

Major celebrations include long hours of Puja followed by bursting crackers. It is also followed by a 'bhai dujh' celebration wherein the sister brother bond is celebrated. Do not confuse this with 'Rakhi' - this is another festival, which also celebrates sister and brother bond

Day 1 - Dhanteras
Day 2 - Kali Chaudas / Narak Chaturdasi / Kali Pujo (Bengal)
Day 3 - Bada Diwali (Actual Diwali Day )
Day 4 - Bestu Baras (Gujarat) / Govardhan Puja (North India) (New Year)
Day 5 - Bhai Dooj / Bhai Fonta (Bengal)

1st Day -
The first day of Diwali is called Dhan Teras (Dhanvantari Triodas), and it marks the official beginning of the Diwali festivities. This day has great significance in many parts of India; people consider this as a very auspicious day and Muhurat. The thirteenth lunar day of the Krishna Paksh (as per the Hindu Calendar), the dark fortnight of the month of Karthik, Dhan Teras is a special day. On this day, Lord Dhanwantari is believed to have come out of the ocean with Ayurveda, the science of medicine, for the benefit of mankind. A huge amount of buying, specifically gold, silver and precious stones, ornaments, new clothes and utensils, takes placeis done on this day. In the evening, children light crackers, and people also light some earthen lamps outside their home. In some parts of India, like Gujarat, this day is religiously held even more important than the actual Deepawali day, and people hold Lakshmi, Kuber (the Hindu God of riches) and Ganesha Pooja on this day.


2nd Day -
The second day of Diwali week is called the Kali Chaudas or Narak Chaturdasi. In some parts of India, it is simply the Choti Diwali, the day before Diwali.

On this day Lord Krishna is known to have destroyed the demon Narakasur, freeing the world from fear. On this day, it is believed that one should massage the body with oil to relieve it of tiredness, bathe and rest, so that Diwali can be celebarated with vigour and devotion. It is also believed that one should not light diyas or step out on this day, and rather stay at home and relax. However, in modern times, on Choti Deepwali, people go to each other's homes to wish 'a Happy and Prosperous Diwali' and also exchange gifts and sweets.


3rd Day - 
The third day of these festivities is the actual Diwali/ Deepawali, when Goddess Lakshmi is worshipped, along with Lord Ganesha. People light diyas and candles in their homes, and the streets all across India light up with millions of sparklers, crackers and fairy lights. After worshipping MahaLakshmi in the evening with their families, people visit temples, gurudwaras and even churches to light candles. They also exchange sweets as prasaad.


4th Day -
The fourth day is celebrated in various forms all across India. In the Western states of India like Gujarat this day is celebrated with great pomp and show as Bestu Baras, the New Year as per their Calendar. In Northern states of India, this day is widely celebrated as Govardhan Pooja and Vishwakarma Day, when people worship their instruments, arms and machinery. Most or all business establishments, thus, remain closed on this day. This day is also called as Annakut.


5th Day -
The fifth day of Diwali festivities is celebrated as the Bhai Dooj or Bhai Beej or Bhai Teeka/ Tilak or Bhai Fota (In Bengal). Brothers visit their sisters on this day, and the sisters celebrate and prepare sweets specially in honour of their brothers, wishing a long, happy, healthy life and great success for them.



This article was sourced from https://www.ganeshaspeaks.com/predictions/astrology/5-days-of-diwali/

Phoenix

Between ashes I rose,
A bird unimaginable,
And flapped my feeble wings hard,
Into the new born air,
For hurt I was,
That crumpled me,
And the pain was too much to bear,
So I had to do it,
Burn through it,
To arise as the Phoenix, yet again;

I've run different errands,
Ran to various corners of the world,
To take a look at how best I could handle my present,
How I could make it all work,
And yet again on this new journey,
I am unborn and reborn again,
As I walk through the journey of love;

This another time,
I have come back to you,
For writing is my only solace,
With you I can survive another day,
When things tear apart,
You're the only one who keeps me sane,
my love for you shall be undying,
You are my only solace;

The power of healing

This blog has become a dungeon of my clouded thoughts and in them I find solace. As life passes by and my undying spirit wears off, I document the small pieces of monuments that fill an array of my life. To thus another of those days....here's to the power of healing

I've met many aghast souls,
Torn, depleted, overused,
Crying, wounded and even void,
These souls remind me of the unforgiving world,
The world where humans hurt other humans,
A world where I don't belong,
A world we hate to admit as ours,
But we live there and let it pass by;

On such occasions I have realised,
There are powers stronger than hate, anger, muscle and bone,
This is the power of love,
The power of faith,
The power of empathy,
The power of understanding,
The power of resonance,
The power of sensitivity,
The power of trust,
The power of belief;

The wounded souls will be lost,
They will find us sometimes,
We must remember to help them,
We must remember wherein lies our healing powers,
And we must share with them the love;

For even the deadly souls I have seen,
Live with a drop of love they can feed on,
Love the country, love the nation,
Love your friends,
And help the ones who need it most....

It is the power of healing

Evolving

Life is a series of adventures,
Some we like,
Some we don't,
Each of them has a lesson to impart,
And we are living examples of those,
But then on some part of our lives,
We stop learning without being hurt,
We try to be numb,
Because it God damn hurt too much,
But what have we lost?

Maybe the rarest thing in life,
Sometimes things people don't find all their lives,
Maybe we need to heal,
And start again,
Be the man / woman we are meant to be,
Because we die to rise again,
We end to start again,
The past is in the past,
And it cannot bar our present,
It must not become so painful,
That we stop recognizing the best things presented to us,
If I'd advice,
I'd say listen to your heart;

We are all hurt,
And it's part of the process,
We are all broken,
We all need fixing,
We have to let others put the pieces together,
Just believe in what the little heart says,
Even though it's not the IQ centre,
It's got its little brain,
It always knows the one,
Believe in yourself,
Believe in the one who will help you heal;

It's always a leap of faith,
And heal all the burn,
If it feels real,
It is the best you've found,
And however mindblown you are,
Accept it,
Accept destiny has found you,
And you are already loved,
This time with innocence, consistency, loyally, crazily, with work pressure, full independence, really loved !
You deserve the best,
Everyone deserves their best,
It's always a leap of faith,
Don't let the sand slip away,
It's probably the rarest thing you hit,
Let there be faith,
Love like a child,
And let them love you back.....

For true love is worth everything,
It stays....always

An open mind

This one's how an open mind can help you see things differently and for me it was part of my favourite journey

We're wired every moment of our lives,
We think like the society makes us think,
We believe in things we see,
And all of it is an institution of something,
Something we believe is true, real
Some of us even consider it so right that we support 'honor killing';

This etches our little minds into the young adults we become,
We are more free thinking as children who know nothing, who question everything, and most importantly who dream,
As we grow up, we are rubbed by the societal beliefs unconsciously,
Very few times do we realise we were mere babies churned out to become our societal selves,
It's not right or wrong,
It's just not really us,
It's an impression our society leaves, our parents leave, our siblings and other loved ones leave,
Not that it's bad, it's just an unconscious self we develop into;

And in these live barriers,
I personally hate cultural, creed, race, religion barriers,
But I did use the word 'hate',
Which makes me a less tolerable person,
It also means I get affected by the societal structures as much as others,
We are a part of this human churning machine and very few of us actually think and realise it,
And in spite of my belief of me having no cultural biases,
I did have my own share....I still do,
And here's what somebody pointed out to me,
I wasn't offended but shocked....it also took me sometime to understand what it meant,
And here I am working on making myself a better me,
Trying to consciously decide and not get biased unconsciously,
This was a step to my genuine growth and I'm growing here,
I am so thankful to this human;

Side note -

Don't get me wrong,
A structure has its own benefits,
Society also stops us from being an uncouth mass of vanderers,
But it can be better, free, non-judgemental, human
So here's our request,
Think, question, dream,
There is nothing etched in the stone,
Be who you are while you live,
Or it'll burn you before you know it!

-This philosophy hit me hard, so I am sharing it with you but it's not mine. It's what a great friend of mine once told me. Not sure if names would be appreciated, so not naming here....my friend should write maybe :)