"Clinging On" - these are the last words people who know me would expect from me. I'm quite the person who hates goodbyes, who leaves, the one who escapes, who simply doesn't wait, sometimes without proper explanations too. So why am I today "clinging on" ?
Both my tendencies of being emotionally untouched as well as clinging on come from the same psychology. The difference is when I was rushing, I thought I could stop my worst nightmare from happening and when I am clinging on, I have somewhere accepted it is impossible and that I should try to make the most of the little time I have.
What is my worst nightmare? It is the deepest part of my life. I have written about it earlier, however I do not give it away in too many clear words. Reason - this might just be read by the person in question.
I still have a little fight on. I hate the weight of my dying dreams, I hate to see I am not close to the calculated life and the clock's ticking. I know, a miracle now can save it.....and that I am not too hopeful of.
The soul isn't unscathed when it fails, it dies a million deaths before it is so strong to give up on it completely. I have worked towards one single thing all my life and to see I'm nowhere close to it, kills me. And I know the worth of what I had, what I have, what I will miss.
I have prepared for this all my life and yet time's too short and never for me to say, "It's okay, I'm wiling to let it go". I'm never going to be ready. And the worst part is, the hope no longer lives within me..........
So, I'm clinging on - to old friends, to old memories, to old clothes, to old feelings, may be I find a little bit of solace in them even if sometimes all they do is take advantage. I so wish I could have the power to turn the winds, to wish some deal, to turn the clocks in a different way.....I so wish things could go a different way.
Both my tendencies of being emotionally untouched as well as clinging on come from the same psychology. The difference is when I was rushing, I thought I could stop my worst nightmare from happening and when I am clinging on, I have somewhere accepted it is impossible and that I should try to make the most of the little time I have.
What is my worst nightmare? It is the deepest part of my life. I have written about it earlier, however I do not give it away in too many clear words. Reason - this might just be read by the person in question.
I still have a little fight on. I hate the weight of my dying dreams, I hate to see I am not close to the calculated life and the clock's ticking. I know, a miracle now can save it.....and that I am not too hopeful of.
The soul isn't unscathed when it fails, it dies a million deaths before it is so strong to give up on it completely. I have worked towards one single thing all my life and to see I'm nowhere close to it, kills me. And I know the worth of what I had, what I have, what I will miss.
I have prepared for this all my life and yet time's too short and never for me to say, "It's okay, I'm wiling to let it go". I'm never going to be ready. And the worst part is, the hope no longer lives within me..........
So, I'm clinging on - to old friends, to old memories, to old clothes, to old feelings, may be I find a little bit of solace in them even if sometimes all they do is take advantage. I so wish I could have the power to turn the winds, to wish some deal, to turn the clocks in a different way.....I so wish things could go a different way.
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