Insecurities - part 2 (Chapter : Mekha's story)

This story started here

Mekha is the girl with the cigarette. Her substance abuse can be hard to comprehend when both the girls could barely manage their meals and save themselves from being abused now and then. It was in the wild, no parent, no guardian, just the two of them.

Mekha once had all of that. She had her loving father, a caring mother and a brother. Everything was perfect until it fell apart. She heard her parents fight some nights but it often ended in her dad storming out the door and slow sobs of her mother. It was the last few months of her memory. The fights had increased and she and her brother often clung onto one another praying to the idol in front of them to make things fine. It would mostly be good in the morning, at least things would look normal. Father would hug her tight and ask her her math questions before dropping her to school while her little brother played in her mother's lap. It didn't look like it would crumble ever or maybe Mekha never accepted what she could see unless the cracks had given way to the separation.

One day after school, when Mekha returned home, she found uncle Todd at home. Her mother said he was there because she had fallen sick. Mekha was very worried after she heard that. She knew her father was away to the refugee camp, saving a few more lives. After that, she often saw uncle Todd. And after a few weeks, her father comes back. The whole family gets together for their cultural festivity 'The Durga Puja' at their cultural home. This was her favourite place and time of the year. Three generations got together and her great grandmother (didama) lovingly pampered her here. But this time her heart wasn't as happy, her brother kept crying all through the day. She saw her little family and uncle Todd sitting in the red floored open room. It was conventional for adults to gather her for serious discussions often related to the money investments for the customaries and children weren't allowed. Mekha has a secret hiding place behind the field door and had been hearing it since 4 years. She was there this time too and she clearly heard

'I am tired of trying....I have given him 2 years and now it is not working. We've decided to take a break. So you don't have false hopes, I also wanted to say, I feel differently about Todayityo (Todd) now and we might take our relation forward' stated her mother. Mekha went stone cold. She didn't know what that meant.......worse, she didn't want to find out. So she shut her eyes and closed her brother's ears.

She remembered, whenever she was angry, her parents always came one after another to persuade her. She never softened with any one's love. So it occurred to her little brain that this might be what would change her mother's mind. So she tuck her brother in his bed and rushed out of the main door in the room.

'Kothai jachis (where are you going) ?', said a feeble father's voice and it faded.....

She had walked for some time, certain she would be followed by her father and mother and her brain switched between the fights, uncle Todd and their loving moments. And finally, she looked back....they weren't there. Nobody had followed her and she didn't know her way back to the broken family.

The remains....

'It's always the money, you know' she shouted and took 4 deep slow breaths. 'The insurance firm, the doctors, the filthy rich...everyone !'

'It's not all like that, you know', TB replied. 'The longer you wait, the harder it gets....it's like an addiction. You have no account of how much it grosses in your bank and yet you can't stop it from coming in because that's all that you know to do. But with time, its price degrades to a level where it's never enough. The options aren't enough, the view's not good enough, the car's not fast enough, the hype isn't enough.....and you try to cash in more and put in more work hours. Like we know, the same pinch of heroine cannot give you the same euphoria. It just goes downhill from there'.

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'That's particularly deep for the insensitive person I know you to be. Have you been there?'

'Let's just say....I have. You have no idea of what I have done or haven't done to have myself where I am right now. At the least, there are some henious things i'm not proud of doing'

Sarah gasped for air several times, her chest was heavy from pain and secrets and revenge she hadn't shared in years. They were burdening her down now and she couldn't have divulged them in front of a man she wanted to trust but the trust issues wouldn't allow. It had been a rough walk, from her roots to the office, every path she took had come with labour and pain a man couldn't think of. Very little of humanity lived in her and she was scared of it making her weak. And every time she looked at TB and she saw an older version of her in him and that scared her. For once she was scared of running away, of losing him.

'Are you okay? You're red literally', TB asked concerned closing in the space between them.

'I'll be fine' she replied hurried taking a few steps back. 'I've seen poverty, i've seen people die, so I exactly don't understand what unaccounted accounts you are talking about but that is all that matters. It is people's strength and it is one's weakness....that is the only way I can get to them'

'Maybe but what'll remain is very different from what you can see. The remains will be of an empty human - you and a lot of regrets for taking lives. Money isn't our problem. We make it. We run for it and we think it's never enough.....and that's the cycle - it never is. And we miss out on the biggest gifts in life - we miss time, we miss youth, we miss family' he stared into her eyes. 'You can go after them all you want and you can go after the money too......but you and I both know this is not about the money'

Sarah's mind was clocking at many memories per millisecond. Voices filled her head and scenes from the war clogged her thoughts. She was fighting them for so long, she was almost tired but her vengeance kept her going and another night she probably wouldn't sleep well.

>> This Snippet is from a book 'My family' worth $20. You could get a free copy by signing up click here to sign up for your free copy

Insecurities (short story) - part 1

When a drop tricked down her cheek, a weak hand struggled to wipe it away, least the crowd around had noticed. A little child hid behind her, playing with her shadow, hoping everything will be okay with Mekha. Only some knew, they had just met and their common hunger united them.

Mekha has lost her identity for years she cannot remember. She's a new person - lost & found, free & lonely, sad & dependable. The luxuries weren't for her and she had little to blame apart from fortune. Subu, the little seeker was her shadow. She followed Mekha everywhere. She lost her way long back....a little on purpose. Her parents were never around and she was ruthlessly abused until it was beyond her years to handle. The irony was she had no idea, with her she carried a little human.

They both looked at the sky, it looked like it would rain soon and they smiled. Another day they may not go hungry...for the rain and the wallet went very well. 

Subu nudged Mekha and muttered under her breadth 'should we beg?' Mekha looked down at Subu's dry face and said, "they must never know that you are in pain, for people come and let you believe they have your back and then snatch it away from you"....."cry but alone"

Little Subu hadn't read her books, she hadn't seen any. She encouragingly smiled though. The sky was about to pour and Mekha reached out to the open sky to feel the pure raindrop once again before she would leave her home town, almost certain her parents weren't to be found.

The insecurities grew as the 2 young girls learnt to survive on the dirty streets.

P.S. With the last series response, I'm encouraged to follow up with another. This is our 2nd short story sequence. This is the first part. To read more keep following or sign up to the blog. If you share it, don't forget to tag me @prithaaash

The story is continued here

The Trial

When you're put to trial, one thing of all becomes as clear as a crystal - the ones who actually are on your side and the ones who pretended to be. Believe it or not, in an absolute cautious world, a hoard of abandoning people may surround you and that day summons their devils. They betray at the wink of an eye...and just like that their promises are proved futile.

On the stands of a trial,
Between the rotting stands,
I looked up to see,
The hall was empty,
Not one of them had turned up,
They were but true to their nature of disloyalty;

A humorous tune run in my mind,
I felt I would go insane,
The last of my little world had just crumbled,
And I wasn't sure if death would even hurt ?

I had in denial almost looked down,
I enchained my own hands,
And prayed they make it fast,
When among the distant halls,
A small shadow emerged;

My stranger best friend had decided to come,
I knew him so little and trusted him still,
I wasn't sure how he would make this count,
And even if I had all reason to drown,
A small part if me wanted to live now,
I looked up to him and nodded in respect,
He nodded back with the gloomiest smile,
And it broke my heart;

He had indeed a battle worth fighting,
He had the facts right,
Knew me just right,
And proved the innocence of a little frightened friend;

That one time u thought to myself,
How did I miss him for so many years?

-Dedicated to people I care about

Cold

I'm writing after a very long time. This time it wasn't lack of time, it was the lack of need to write. Things changed rapidly in my life and as scared as I am to accept it, I cared for someone enough to be scared to let go. I also did not during this time feel the need to pour myself here. However, now and then, I have been very anxious.....for in between is where I do the worst. I've known myself as cold and I'd always like to keep it that but this time makes me feel like it's a losing battle....and I can just sit through it trying my best.

For we are human,
And we must not bleed,
For if we so succumb,
Our enemies shall find our weakest link,
For we take the cover of the dark,
Other times we are cold;

Like ice we stay,
Untouched, unhindered, unreachable,
We stand as if the gentle breeze doesn't warm us,
As if human or animal,
We'd shred them to pieces,
For we were hungry,
And blood is what we need,
For other times we are cold;

And being so cold gets to you to believe,
Not a day will come of hope and light,
No one shall reach you anymore,
No one can make you bleed,
No one can make you happy either,
But then in it lies our satisfaction,
With security we give up the bigger risk,
Will security we allow to burn all the Ashes,
The past, the feelings, the human, the kind, the compassion, the empathy....everything;

And since yesterday,
I've been thinking why,
Why has this little bird come flying by,
Why have I covered it under a small shed of ice,
Why am I scared when it'll fly,
Why do I care so much that it bleeds again?
It wasn't supposed to happen,
I was supposed to have been cold,
I wasn't supposed to care....
And yet I do,
Once again, maybe too much,
And I can feel it will stay,
No fooling anyone, it's going no where,
It'll stay too damn long,
It'll bleed me dry