The one (Love decoded)

Life is a blast of experiences and the day you start looking at the various perspectives of love, you'll find innumerable kinds.

Love confuses me. So much so, that one day, I decided, I wanted to know this subject much better. And I started noticing things about love. That's what I put on the blog today.

Every person is different & love between any 2 people is different. So basically, the combinations of love would the 7 billion combination 2. We don't experience even tiny bits of it. In spite of that we do experience a comprehendable amount.

Here's some I happen to notice-
1.The soulmate
2. The friend
3. The opposite attraction
4. The hobby connect
5. The nostalgia connect
6. The broken connect
7. The rebound connect
8. The selfless one

P.S. None of this is about dating. The whole concept of dating assumes you could find a possible mate through quantifying your requirements in a partner. I'll explain my views in a separate article.

There's plenty more kinds of love as I stated the number. But I'll just talk on these 8 few because they are some of the most precious kinds of relationships I've noticed.

The soulmate
-This connect is very weird. You meet and you know "I knew I loved you before, I feel I brought you to life"

The friend
-You can tell anything to this person. What's unique is the comfort level.

The opposite attraction
-Some part of the 2 people being different can often be the friction which attracts you. However, it's hard to judge which of these can be survivable because some can be disasters.

The hobby connect
-Here you connect through a form of expression which both of you are mutually fond and respective of. You connect through the love of the hobby and it's great to have someone understand your music, your painting. However, it's overrated.

The nostalgia connect
-Here you connect on things that were beautiful in that past. And the same memories in another inspire both of you and you feel the connect through those good memories. It's important to note, what you love is that memory not really each other.

The broken connect
-Here generally it's connection when you're very vulnerable. It's the inability to open up to less vulnerable people. You feel like equally hurt and you connect on the broken pieces. It's great to have someone put the broken pieces together but we miss the fact that our inability to open up actually cause the seclusion which gives us this one person who puts the pieces together. Rebounds come into the same segment.

The selfless one
- this often starts on one end and may or may not end in reciprocation. Here's the most interesting relationship form. This is what everyone wants for themselves but logically it's something that cannot happen on both sides. One has to be the vulnerable person first. This is often underrated. Also known as one sided love.

P.S. All forms of love/expression are equally respectable and wonderful. The freedom of choice is something that adds to its value. Neither of the above or others maybe superior to each other.

However, I do happen to realize that there are a few things that true love prioritizes. And true love encompasses some of the above relationship types together. These traits are-
Selflessness, friendship,soulmate.
That's it. The others maybe a plus or minus but for me, the above 3 I believe are a must in a true relationship. I am narrowing this to romantic relationships but I do believe these traits live in all the relations which really matter to us.

The friend is needed because this is that one relation which is different than your family relationships. Here you should be able to say anything,  be anyone, express anything without judgement. And that is what a true friend brings to you.

The selflessness is a trait very few of us encounter in our lives. Everybody including your parents and other have reasons to support you. It maybe very small at times but any form of support comes with expectations. And I think it's very obvious. I would never have believed love could exist unless I myself experienced selflessness. If anybody truly loves you, your happiness is their one true priority. If you love somebody, their happiness is your one true priority. The world could tear apart but you will Selflessness protect/support that person (I don't mean unethically ).

The soulmate allows you to connect beyond the walls our mind creates. We have assumptions, ideologies, thoughts implanted in us. The mysterious connect between 2 people wipes that away. It is necessary but not enough for true love I believe.

In the pursuit of love, we look for it in the wrong places, with wrong requirements and are extremely blind to the true possibilities. How many people love you with all your flaws? How many peoole don't give up on you? How many people forgive you again and again? That's the number of true love relationships you have. You can't count them, it's that rare.

In the pursuit of finding something that rare, we have criteria like -tall, rich, handsome and what not. The first rule of true love is you accept the person as is. You can help the person grow but any love which states 'ifs elses' is not love. Love is not a gap to be filled in your life, it is a choice. And it is freeing all physically, mentally, spiritually. It is sacred. And it is that one rare thing that most people will die without having their own. So if you are looking for it, give love a chance, stop being the virtual person you are.

Fairy tales come true but it's not cinderella's shoe that's important, it's the love.

Conclusion-
Love is not quantifiable. Neither can the online hobby match algorithms save you. It is the mystery we cannot solve. But we can do something. We can start realizing how virtual our own expectations are. We can start thinking that we are flawed, we want our flawed selves to be loved and that is what we must offer in return.

True love doesn't bind, it frees you. It doesn't condition you, it empowers you. It doesn't hurt you, it protects you. It's something most people will die without. But if you move out of your virtual expectations, maybe you have a chance.

I think I've seen it but I'm a ruthless person sometimes, so I've decided to try to be the selfless me to the wonderful selfless people in my life.

This is a prequel to my possible next venture. My book. Sign up in the popup to receive the draft free. Best of luck with true love.