patience tears(2)

The child I've been,
The follies I've made,
The people I've let go,
And the ones that used me,
Somewhere somehow I know I've lost a lot,
But gained much more;

I pity the small,
Who let the innocent be crushed,
For they know not,
What they have lost,
And yet again,
I feel them small,
For they know not,
How they must trust;

An ample incidents,
A rapid journey,
Four years like on the train,
But every moment brought a grain,
That nurtured, nourished and got drained;

I have never fallen,
Never loved my college in true,
For I was fast paced,
Looking for a different cue;

But then by chance,
I was shocked to see,
How these petty human beings,
Could arouse in me so many a thought,
Not knowing what happened,
I unconsciously did,
Fall in love with the life it bred in me;

Cheerful friends-some with a distinct taste of humour,
Some so serious-they scorched the soul,
Some so simple-they laughed for me,
Some so jovial-so I could smile.....
Everything I surpassed for the few years,
Besides, I thought everything would end but like a dream,
But as it happened i never knew,
They made a place,
Though very few;

I had made a core so hard,
It was not difficult but impossible to feel,
To touch the soul that lied in great depths,
It was a cold line that shrouded me around,
And even then the worst thing happened,
A persistent piece with all it's tricks,
Had drawn my eyes,
Who's absence had made me anxious,
My soul, I could hear it beat again,
But I remained in the cold world i belong,
Ignoring the fact I never accept,
I never will,
For I doubt the world around me,
A chance that can break who I am,
And from there I may not return!
But yet I know the price of faith,
Even if it breaks, I gain a lot,
Irony has made a statement so sure,
It gave me friends but no further could I endure;

So subtle was everyday,
It came like a game,
Challenges brought,
Responsibilities laid,
Rough and dreary was the path,
And today when it's over,
I feel it more a loss!

-As told by a friend

Patience tears

It is a weird feeling when something gleeful and sour happen together........u don't know whether to smile or to just cry, it's but a time where u have no choice, u must smile and yet it is just fallacy!

Intrigued is my mind,
The soul is mostly apart,
I cannot choose within the smiles,
That mark my words or read my mind......

It is a rare occasion,
And yet it's common now,
For in this struggle I see myself,
Flowing into the rush......

Nothing to care,
Nothing to say,
Just hurrying so I am not crushed,
But here my heart beats so fast,
It cries to stop my haste,
For knows it within,
What passion it holds,
The mere existence it cannot fake....

A life has been ruined,
Filling up mugs of expectations,
A torture it's taken,
No knowing how it succumbed to it.....
And deeper and deeper it drags me in,
My heart it aches,
Wants to run...away....where it could start again.....

I have no regrets,
And yet I do,
For what I did,
I have this lot,
But for that old fact,
I lost my track.....

Bent I am,
Now life gets the better of me,
Is it because I'm not where my heart aches to be,
Or it is because I refuse to be a part of this?

I have a story,
Millions of them,
Some r known,
While some r untold;
I had a life,
A four yr side,
It meant a lot and lost a lot,
I regret it not,
For the friends I got,
And yet I know,
The corny fact,
The heart is not patient anymore,
It refuses to run at the race anymore.......
It gives a thud,
And i fear it's nearing it's last,
I consoled it yet "a little long",
But it has faith no more,
There it must rest in solace..
The future untold ,
The dreams unread....

-As told by a friend

juvenile siblings

emily-Oh brother where to do you go,
        When you promised me your time?
          Life has changed i say,
           Before I had never to say,
           Have I made your day-.....

     ......Looking back you stare,
           Deep into the wilderness,
           As if something it is you lost,
          From where your roots had been cut......
         Melancholy fills my self,
          I've seen you distant and grey,
        Has the world changed for us?
         I stand right here,
         Like 20yrs back,
          When we played in the sun,
         Fought the village son,
         And made the run...
         Everything together,
        Nothing ever surpassed our minds,
         It was own or not,
       Then y today does it matter,
        Just my being here-is that not all anymore?
        Does the 'name' have so much to do.....
        It lies before my hands?

Charlie-You, my sister,
            My every breath is for you,
            It is not you or your deeds that bring furry,
            But the soul that has been untaught to ignore,
          What blood in me run,
          Is my sombre soul-,
          I lay unknown to the facts of life,
           And treat this as my home,
         But all of a sudden,
         Things seem to be gone!

Emily-Beloved brother,
          It sums up to the same,
          The choice is yours,
          My love or your blood,
           The love that remains,
         Or the blood that destiny had abandoned,
         Nothing makes you save yourself,
        Your decision shall be accepted,
        And if so, I'll be gone!

Charlie-Rest a little while,
           I'm not here to run,
            Even now,if i close my eyes,
          I see me playing in the grass,
          Rolling in the clay,
         With a smile all along,
          And in it you are the only part,
         Who cared whether I laughed or cried in pain,
          I cannot deny what i know today,
           But beyond this place,
           I know, One thing,
          Without you......life is not fun,
          Lifeless I am without my son,
         So much am I without you,
         I donot choose,
          Destiny does,
          But I'll stand beside you,
          Whether it is death or not!

Emily-I smiled.....now the riddle must be gone,
           "So what does it mean?I'm here to stay or be gone?"
        I hugged him tight after only aday,
        But felt like years.....
       How can I be gone?
        I cannot live without this man-i thought.....

Charlie-No ones going anywhere I say,
             Go to hell with destiny,
           We're not knitting balls,
           That destiny shall kick us over all,
            We decide to stay.....here,
           That I have called home for 20yrs,
          When blood has denied and love has beckoned,
          How can I part with you..
          Dear sister,
           Oh!Emily,you are the ruler of my heart,
           But I am annoyed....You haven't told me of 'nevil'
       

            ...Oh!And I *blush* ....


-As from the heart of a brother and sister when suddenly the brother gets to know his blood line is not the same as his sister.....he's from the forest tribe, left desolate and unclaimed..

reflection

Have you a mirror,
That asks you your deeds?
Not the one like
Snowwhite deals
But the one that asks you your deeds..

Everyday I've asked myself,
For what I did,
What I had meant to do not,
And yet in desperation,
I happen to break it through..
It's harsh on me,
Or my conscience so true,
Or was it my innocence I curse too much;
Never be afraid,
To admit who you are,
The world will listen,
Once you are here,
Here, where the mike resides,
There I may be someday,
But I fret not on that,
It's the mirror the scares me,
That causes me to reflect,
On the worst thoughts I try to forget,
To drain away any illusion,
That might have crept........
But here again,
It is so weird,
The world that is a stage for equivocation;
It leads us to be normal,
When we're crying within,
And asks us to laugh low,
For the spotlight may be here,
On the ebbs of the bay,
I promise myself,
Never to compromise with who I am,
Never to regret all that I've done or felt,
For the true person does not fear,
And the world listens to her,
Even when she's not at the mike.........

Silence has a voice,
Deeper than any decibel,
It reverberates through air and water,
It breaks my mirror into pieces,
And rips my soul apart!
So what if it comes at a price,
The world has it heard!

The untreated vent

Oh the vent......have you heard of it?
It thumps with every beat
And brings back those painful deeds;
Have I a strong memory
Or is it my heart that speaks?
Of distant dreams,
Of heavenly bliss....
Where reality fails to be??

On the contrary,
My brains it thunders,
Have i not said "u've made a blunder?"
Hurled back into its seat,
And thumping it says,
It's you who tells,
I listen to your commands,
I erase it everytime,
From RAM, ROM and all,
But you simply won't give me the keys
To your trivial heart Database trees-
They simply cause a normal being,
To become frivolous and blue,
Least assured are you;

The mind doth fight,
The soul doth cry,
Several times they've had this fight.....
Weary is my heart,
Of cholesterol no?
But silently it knows,
I cracked a joke,
For I weigh only forty,
And live on 2 meals,
For it has endured,
What destiny had not.....
And then the final goodbye
Can only be a choice,
When the lithium battery is taken away,
The life eth end,
With a simple thump,
With less sorrow more anxiety.

The last lines.....

The damage had been done,
The time spent,
The money gone,
And the trust broken.....

I stood there,
All alone amongst the crowd,
My girlfriends cheering me up,
Their parents giving them a chance,
I had nothing but a failure feeling,
My whole life broken into pieces,
To see all that i thought was just a vision......

The streets wet with rain,
Hopelessness spread wide and far,
The wind sounding of the turmoil,
That is to come......

The jostle this morning had said,
The bride in the pretty white gown,
The wedding bouquet so perfect,
The best day must go in vain,
Had I not the right to have a day to myself once?....just once.?....

The groom has arrived,
His eyes talk of tears that fill his eyes,
I see him as dependable ,
A person on whom the world depends,
He fought all night at the border,
To give the world a peaceful sleep,
But it's a desperate sight today,
He holds on to others.....
He clasps my hand
Blood oozing like whisky,
Stares into my eyes,
And says those words,
For which he breathed so long,
 "Pls forgive me!"......

The water ripples

Into the forest,
I've wandered,
Hither thither,
To find another glimpse,
Of the unerring soul;
In the hope of a new,
Of watching you from behind,
Knowing well you'll never know,
Knowing well u'll bid me 'adieu'!
Into this river,
So many times u've driven me,
And yet again,
I'm right behind,
Aroused my senses are with the morning dew,
And a numbness that proclaims-
my peculiar pose,
A human body musn't bear!
Your face,
yes, the glimpse,
I so long for,
Everyday....every same day of my life,
That's lost with the trails of your forgotten soul;
Into the thin air you disappear,
I've lived along,
To feel ur mist,
To challenge death,
To make a deal,
To give you a life,
In return of mine,
"Fair enough?", I asked him in the face
But death laughed and shooed me away,
I've been there.....
Whenever ur not here,
And now I shrivel up,
Under the thought of giving up,
Giving up seeing you everyday,
Living that same life,
Over and over again
But with a new zeal,
That came from you.......
'The ripples'...
I can see the ripples,
Right there,you see that?Mean ripples,
They disfigure your face,
And I cannot take it;
This is the time,
According to legend,
I must drown to give you life,
Reborn then will be a new life,
All yours, nothing mine.....
But all I fear is the life I'll give,
My shadows must never overshadow you,
I must remain behind the Oak always,
Like I've always been,
And not even the earth shld unfold to you,
The story of 'ripples to life'......

One last time,
Your face on the still waters,
The ripples are spreading wide and large,
'goodbye',my friend,
You are free today from your tomb!
But as fate must beckon misfortune to take a cake,
Emmily Bristells rose from the dead,
Into the dead she remained,
Half living and half dead,
Knowing the fact full well,
How the oak had been witness to all good and bad;

Legend has in it,
"Into the ripples if you vanish,
The dead shall rise from it's dome;
From the dead if u rise,
U must live as ur image,
Bt with the memory of who pledged it's bitter soul into you,
That nature had not acknowledged"
Death stood there,
A smirk in the eerie sphere,
Dogging the paradox,
And culling it's powers!

The father - A tormented soul

Had it been a better day, had I not lost my job, had I made a better bet at money, had I been a better son..........I might not have known what I am now.....

The tension freezes me,
The thumb twitches,
The doctors are crowding all over,
My wife is laid back in those white sheets,
She's suffering so hard,
I've so many times said it's not worth it,
That she was more than anything else;
And to face her today,
where I had nothing save the hospital bill money,
Treachery!Life is so unjust
And now I'm scared,
Every passing moment I ask
      "doctor will she make it?"
And the morose just treads away
Leaving me guilty of my deeds!
My hands are cold......
I can feel my self no more,
I cannot but lose the only thing left,
My love, my wife......
I am running,
 Through the spirited corridors,
I must tell my wife,
Assure her,
How things will be fine only with her living
And nothing was more important......
She was my angel after all!
I just rushed through the door.....!!!!
'wooff!' there she is ....
All shrivelled up, panting and sweating,
I had heard her cry
But more pain I will not let her take,
I will not......
But then........something so weird happened,
I almost feel selfish,
along with the moron I am,
Look at that life,
breathing.......small leaf like fingers and eyes that look up to me
So much , so severely it says how I made my folly
By taking her into my arms,
I could not but stop myself......
I looked up, my wife smiling at me.....she was okay?
After all this?Why do women want to be like men?.......
they are so much better and I hate to accept it- I am not as strong as her!
But i'll be........for the life that thrives in my arms....,
It looks into my eyes with so much faith,
I cannot break it-my heart pounds......
It's not bliss of being father,
for I'm not unless I can full fill all I must as a father-but I will,
My wife's not crying anymore
But my child is smiling with every salt water drop that she drinks,
Yess!I am the one-crying,
Now I know what it is to be a man,
Not like before this moment,
When I thought doing 'manly' things made me a man,
Look at what I have.....bliss beyond expression,
I am the luckiest man on earth,
To this angel I promise........
I have not seen anything better before,
Not been a part of life so intensely,
Never felt more important,
And I will slog each day,
To keep your smile on those delicate lips,
And dare anyone tried to hurt you,
He's dead!!!!!!
I cannot but say how this day is my best day!!!!!How I just cannot say but it is for certain!!!!

-The story of a Man.....