Self care is self help

Ever wondered about the fine line between narcissistic and neglect? The right balance is self care..if you do too much or too little, it falls off the balance.

The small acts of doing the things you love, keep a part of you in touch with the inner person. For example I love to travel but when I am home I pamper myself with a particular British rosé (body shop) shower gel. It smells a certain way and gives a cue to my mind that I am back home and I can cuddle in my bed. For you, this might be something else. I have a few of these which I follow like a ritual..these are carefully planned based on how I enjoy them. I had a friend for whom it was her morning tea. What are your self care events in a day? I would love to know .. share in comments below

Btw, I am planning to get back to writing more often. Should I keep it here or start a new blog ?

The Void

 

What is a void ? 

It could be defined as "not valid or legally binding" or "completely empty"

But i'm referring to 'The Void' we all feel once in a while where the world stops and we question 'what is the purpose of me being here right now or maybe what is the purpose of life' or are we just passing through life as time sways by

These are more frequent when we hit post lunch nothingness, when we walk past a nostalgic street, when a life changing thing happens or when we lose or gain loved ones. We stop to ask the very obvious question of our purpose, our being, how much time have, are we running towards our dreams, are we too ambitious or are we too unambitious, are we too scared or should we be more scared, are we winning in life..does this even matter. Because life you see, is an ambiguous blob and each human has a different one. It is highly impossible to bring it down to mere morsels of tangible parameters and we must cause we know not how to measure beyond. At this point, life is a Void, we cannot belittle it by pulling it down to parameters and we cannot comprehend without such. And in such a void is lost another void thought of the vastness of life. To be returned to again in the next Void our mind decides to take

Does it help to let your mind wander ? Maybe it is .. 
Mind wandering is believed to play an important role in generating new ideas, conclusions or insights (also known as “aha! moments”). (Reference link)

#philosophy 

The Farewell

Have you heard of happy farewells ?
Here's something surprising I will tell you,
When you do something many times,
Even if it's sad, you start to see the silver lining,
That's how I discovered happy farewells

There's a whole mesh in life,
Which is entirely like a mess (in bengali, we say it is 'Maya),
And it would so wonderful to have just wade it away,
But we tend to get involved,
Because we were wired that way or we have been told so,
Our minds are controlling and constantly looking for a life beyond what we have,
Often times not appreciating what we have;

Haven't you felt repent for the lost ?
Grief for the past ?
Want to change and go back to some mess ?
Even though our clear logical minds have drawn good reasons,
It is well know which are the dark territories,
But we are inclined to play with the fire,
And burn again;

In this so called battle and a life we hope to make through,
There are these little 'let go' moments,
The painful goodbyes,
Some very evident,
But then how about seeing the other side of it ?
Every cloud that passes by, makes way for new light to entire,
And hopefully some of it will stay.....hopefully

The Flight

Yesternight I remember,
When I last let the train leave,
And demises have since followed me like horror films,
I lost a friend beyond all,
And my best friend it was,
Such loses can never be made up for,
The tarnish is permanent;

Since then i've been a little cold,
The turbulence is left to my inner beings,
I let go and if people stay,
I understand they really wanted to,
And to them I salute,
For I am not easy to be around,
No real being is,
The unrequited love, sinful insecurities;

So, when it was your turn,
I had to let you go,
I cannot afford to follow the path taken before,
And lose another friend yet again,
But I hoped and I really do,
That maybe things turn out differently,
That some miracle happens,
And you're here again;

That doesn't happen though,
The flight took off,
And you're miles away,
Without the last farewell,
I can't ask you to stay,
Because leaving was important for you,
And yet again,
It goes unsaid,
I so wished that you stayed;

Some friendships foster,
And I believe distance cannot part what's to be,
Time cannot heal,
So it must not even be the reason to part,
So i'll wait yet again like stupid little girl,
Who wants to believe,
And really hopes,
Things will turn out very differently,
And for that, I'll try as long as I don't feel unwanted;

The Tale Of Expectations

Recently, i’ve come across this school of thought around expectations which I find pretty unrealistic. The idea states that one must have little or no expectation to remain happy. While I completely agree to unrealistic expectations from unknown parties leave us vulnerable, I do not believe the same can be followed in places of love & nurture. Why ? I will try to explain it here. Please Note : It is an abstract thought, so forgive me if I am unable to make my point here. Remember, I will only put forward a perspective (being completely aware of the fact that there are multiple more perspective out there and I equally respect all). Every point describing love is associated with all kinds of love including ‘romantic’, ‘family’, ‘friends’, ‘pets’ etc. Love is selfless. Understood. It must not have expectations. ..... ummm why? Scenario 1 : You have a job. You don’t perform (expectation). You are fired. Fair deal ! If in the scenario the numbers are unreal or some other, there may be a logical explanation. The expectation gap handling is a major skill. Scenario 2 : You wake up in the hostel room on your birthday. Your best friend meets you and forgets to wish (expectation). You’re a little upset. He/she probably read your face and makes up. Expectations are majorly linked to how our minds process. Not having expectations can be very unrealistic. ‘No Expectation’ is ironically an expectation in itself. We have expectations, dreams, passion, uncertainty - these are human traits. They make us us. I do believe the cause of disappointment here is not ‘expectation’ rather it is ‘expectation mismatch’. These are two different things. Expectations being an unconscious build up in our brains, we neglect to understand it takes a different shape in everyone’s mind. Some are flexible while some aren’t. So the real skill needed is not ‘expectation neglect’ but ‘expectation gap handling’. Deduction : Like every other thing on earth, love is earned too. Sometimes we take it for granted and it is our duty to manage things as well as possible. We might fail but we will know a home to go back to. Love might be selfless but it is still a 2 way journey. It is okay to expect to be understood in silence sometimes, it is okay to expect to be held in times of helplessness sometimes, it is okay to be oneself. It is not okay to just expect, one must make sure their loved ones feel the same form of security and comfort in their presence. This is how bonds grow ! So, I think, expectations are great. What one needs to know is how to handle the differences and there will be plenty. A deep root analysis is a start. Another article on this one. Feedback : Your thoughts might be different from mine. Do tell me in the comments below. What are your thoughts on expectations ? Picture : That mom and me, just a happy pic :) Didn’t I say love has many different meanings? Can you spot some in our smiles ?