Anya's diary(2)

 EXTRACTS  FROM  ANYA'S  DIARY(2):~

Over the phone i had to say it......what a taboo it would be for me.What would i say?What have i done?......still embarrassed !!!!Just going red allover the face.Why?......Wish i could turn back things......wish i hadn't the courage.......My sister hung up the phone  .....was she alright i was getting tensed.Miles away she lived and the closest pal to me i had alas told her the sinful deed.Oh my i feel so shameless.....how could i?And then 1 inevitable question->Do you know what u have done?on purpose is it?..........and her again another day i shall keep written so they remain only in mind,soul and here.The frosty chilly nights have often made me go crazy.It tops the list of frenzy.The heavy rains hitting my window glass and making that weird droll.I shifted in my soft pillow uncomfortably and thought and re thought.I wasn't in my sense.....or i liked it this particular way.The things were flying in my head and not a thought was intentional.Year back memories were coming back!......
The other phase of change had just started.The years after 11 and 12.......  a witty eyed guy.And the Indian block :) stuck to one.Small things were bubbling in------- as small as glances we exchanged.funny things were showing up.-----the tutorial chairs......me being the late lateef reaching in time.The chairs ordering how to manage a seat next...but i never could :) for i said i was not sure.Oh my head hurts when i feel the pain how i must have offended this guy, when the solitude of this event is retraced.-----
In the later months he had a gf too! :o no sympathy.I wasn't sure of any want or need then......so no offence.:
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And a wild thought struck me.The storm was heavily hitting my window as if it would tear it open.My thoughts racing.I cannot but describe how things happened.....all in a hurry.And me i was whimsical.I snatched my phone and did what i'd have never imagined in my dreams.Meek and shy i was.....oddly we end up showing courage and impulse in the wrong things.....which donot work out.As they say there is a method!
I types down all that my guts could grant me......every line with a diplomatic curve to save my skin and render the victim least harmed.Yet it was offensive and harmful.....
my cell: we've been talking for some time and i feel  not telling you this is offence done no less......i'd                   like to measure friendship life long......woooofffff!i had proposed!had i?.........could i?
tears rolled down......i was tense all tensed......went feeble on the thought of rejection.Till date it was always the other side saving for this stuff.
Oh!and have  told u ?(This guy had an offer years back in those sweet time in 11....i had smiled it away.Ofcourse a friend had informed so.....maybe i like to believe it because i can fantasize)
My body was getting colder....i was nervous for no good reason.Moments back i was absolutely sure nothing could go wrong even if it was a 'no' i'll face the truth-it is no good fantasizing.All in all it was only a sudden thing......a renewed contact that had relapsed 3years back.(almost).
beep!
 :sorry i didn't get uFor god sake how could people be so witless and insensitive?......As for advice sake never say this!I've said this plenty times but now i now how it is......it pissed off every bit of me.I had lost the battle.With weird thoughts.....some drops of hope yet to be sucked away i typed it before i knew
 :do u have a special person?:nohopes surged up!!!!!!and i reexplained.......the conversation ended abruptly.The end of which i had myself decided a 'no' ..... but things had to be cleared......the rest was on chat.And for this i'll be cruel to the guy.....he could have been honest the very first time
:on9 he said-he had a to be gf.....or a present gf.The pic of whom i saw and merely gave that wonderful comments of being a cute choice.Extra modesty!
Over with it........and the phone call to my sister......said it and then she said she had fallen into the couch speechless.OH!she loved me dear lot......and i had offended her for some stupid joke....or even if it wasn't .The thing was real..........every bit of it.Every pain.....excruciating.
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I will never forget this day and what i did but i have a wonderful thought surrounding this memory.I had felt the thrill only a boy is allowed specially in INDIA.It is no easy task.......a very difficult one to let go of everything at another's disposal.And then the fear,excitement and teary rejection.All part of the fun.......the adrenaline thus produced must have been a class apart.I keep this as an upgrade into my list of feelings!It's a unique and special one.

what if u go to a pub?

.....No it is not about young men in a gang shouting away and partying.......
 what if it were?

SCENARIO 1)A gang of guys.....
ask the ladies "no, what problem ?they r enjoying......that y they r youngsters"
wonderfully modern thoughts.

And change the scenario
SCENARIO 2)a gang of girls...
                                                   "no it's okay........but not that nice if u party this late!!!!! ":)  ironical.
                    .......some nice ones will say "take it lightly....young girls, let them enjoy before marriage"

SCENARIO 3)some middle aged ladies
                                                        "they think they are still young for this stuff"
                                                        "cultural hazards"

SCENARIO 4)and now this sets fire to it!!!!single mothers....divorcee or not
                                                          "bad women......what will the children learn?"
 -This is exactly what a girl faces in our society and yes i'm talking of the country i'm proud of, INDIA .And necessarily my state in this context......but it's the matter with the whole country.Honestly how many of you don't think like this?I too must be honest here......and i shamefully agree to certain extents i didn't know the gravity of such words.In an avg middle class family or a lil above that these are things like 'no going to pubs'-not that they r to highlight the blind beliefs but at times for our personal security.Here the norms are same for a boy or a girl.

 -inspired by 'crime patrol dastak'

I will be talking about the very breaking new months back -case of 'RITA GOMES', mother of two children.
This lady's police complaint was baselessly rejected as mostly her being a single mother and going to the pub made her vulnerable to legal rapes!I mean who the hell are u to decide so?And deny justice to any lady.If cases could be so easily confirmed without further investigation then corrupted crimes weren't crimes!you mean criminals aren't intelligent?they don't try to bluff?????
Further no medical examination was being done.On mere threats it was initiated but how?Legally such cases should have a lady constable along and a lady doctor.In this case such was overlooked.
Justice was easily denied to this lady why?.....not because it is kolkata!But the thoughts weren't right.
Mostly being a single mother stood on her path to justice.And all this she gets to hear for being the only bread earner to her family?????think about it.
If it were a guy-?????sympathy!!!!!and lots of it!
Alas an honest lady police officer took over the case and turned the case inside out.3 convicted were successfully arrested other 2 were 'farar'.    
[The case being such that 1-the main accused had met lady (rita) in the pub and offered her a job.Later she couldn't get a taxi and offered her a lift to a nearby taxi stand.Things turned differently.Initially only 2 front seats of the car were occupied later mid way 3 other people pushed into the last seat to repeat the horrendous / hideous deed which we r trying to eradicate.The 3 freaks had used identities of 3 men visiting the same gym as theirs.->and u said criminals weren't intelligent?]
Once again a question stands on where our values are?What culture do we talk of?........if Rakhi's short skirt is spoiling our culture then what is this?......Showing our thoughts........our culture?The NANDALALS have always spoken far and big done nothing...........but our thoughts our actions are far more dangerous and harmful.Our voices now take intelligent shortcuts but our fear enhanced.......our honestly and courage disgraced!Such things happen even right before us how many keep quiet?.......all?yes the one who speaks is blasted........bt what if all spoke usually history says the intruders are less in number.I'm a part like u.......not a great person but atleast try to be.These words of wisdom are equally applicable to me.
                                             




                                                                            

Respect!!!!!!!!

These amazing events rarely happen when we can solely connect and get absorbed in a different world all together.Largely influenced by a indian tele show 'haqueeqat ka amna samna' which i regularly watch, brings into the open some unusual cases and strengths of character.It is also like some of you could be feeling like in
bolly shows such as 'baagwan','ZNMD'.'TZP',Agennepath','Kal ho na ho'.......etc.Here i donot expect most to feel like i did.But real women will.It's only a matter of time.
u must have noticed 'amazing', a most improper use of verb bt u'll know why!
Running straight for the contents......it featured a case of a single mother....MIND IT unmarried and ditched by her ultra modern bf who was of the opinion that it was clear talk.However my point of view would not be raising my finger on this guy that the police can do but to pin point the 'amazing' character that i saw in her.
How pleading flattery and pressure cookers gave way to her.She had nothing else and more so she is an orphan!Of course she's been brought up by a couple bt denied facilities soon when they have their own son.
I donot know what to say but ladies this is one incident and one common person we can learn a lot from.

Her foster parents who are keen on getting her married in which ever way are also left spell bound.In the very opening 'I earn, I can support my child......i can bring it up!I've been saying this constantly'.Here the lady gets my eyes fixed.Not many have i seen of such vigor,confidence and self respect. And all this in the most indian style....(for those who think such can be only clad in some foreign attire).She has a best friend who is fortunately a boy and a great man(for he offers her marriage like some bolly shot).......but here i have a flaw for the lady.She in her attempt to suppress the real father's name had once put in that of this poor guy(who doesn't deny straight away)!But later she makes up.Now the better part......reason y she didn't name him.!!!!!
      'We can't marry she said......because there is no mutual understanding on this matter'
many women say this for various reasons but here the reason was
         'if he'll be forced for it......we'll always be denied the due respect and love'-RESPECT.rarely women feel this.The mother of that boy was on the show soon with an attitude to oblige the girl into marriage with her son.She said 'chinta mat karo, humlog use mana lenge'
ans 'to use force karna hoga matlab hum donoko kabhi wo pyaar aur samman nehi de payega'-KUDOS for this
the mother-'who's going to make a girl like u (unmarried mother) their bahu.....see her tewar,main tum pe taras kha ke yeha aagayi'
ans 'u came here to save the left over respect......i'm not the only unmarried mother ur son is also being a father........unmarried mind it'->this ladies lack.
The single mother stats has raised to 12% in INDIA including windows.Not much to say but i found it more worth a write than read....so it's here.
for those who r waiting for Anya's diary-Anya will catch up later............very soon indeed!