The Bengali valentine's day

I am not a traditional bong in many ways. I don't see the point of culture and tradition that separates people/differentiates among them. However, you have to accept, cultural values sometimes mean a little to the innocent heart, only to the extent where it brings people closer.

Ah, 'The Valentine's Day' you'd say. That's what we do twice.....not really. So the Bengali valentine (locally known) is on the day of the pujo of the goddess of books. That's some forward thinking I'd say. More  bong proposals hit on this day....and there's practically an air of love. And to add to it, sweet Sanskrit slokas make it even more adorable.

Some rigid book worms are sad on this day though (includes me). I don't think I was sad because I couldn't read, I think I am just like that always.....anxious, worried about the future and it's only normal if what you want is merely a need. Things sometimes do get serious.....so that's me.

Moving on to the nice parts of this day. It's the day of yellow-surprised? Yes.....yellow, not red. Everywhere you look, bong ladies in yellow sarees crowd the streets. Sweet loving couples talk in a synchronised manner. And most of your friends are converting their crushes and some of your male friends sing a sad song.....and some of us just observe all this.

There's practically an excuse for everything that day. Every bong house has a youngster with one. Do I need to say, they had to run to the park? The pandal is just as sweet.....the 'dhuno' smell just does it for the bongs. I am particularly not fond of city pujos as I've experienced a community pujo in a township for years and that fun, grandeur and love could never match up to any city pandal. Except the loving couples.....
There's 'khichdi' for 'bhog' (prasad) - an absolute yum. And you can have it twice. Every semi-bong community will celebrate it. Your college, school, home grounds.....everyone.

I once remember a bong guy who had partially stopped mid way staring at my friend in her yellow saree. His love at first sight cost him a chair......yes, chair. In crowded pandals, you don't fight for food, you fight for chairs........and all forms of ragging come into play to attain a single chair. I cannot disclose who my friend was but the incident still brings a smile to our faces. It's pretty much another reason why I'm committing to a brilliant yellow outfit and pure macher jhol bhat for the occasion today.

Interested in a bong? This might be your day :) Of course, only if it's not a Scorpio, we are forever cold, unless.......that's a secret.

The goodbye kiss

"I didn't want to kiss you goodbye, I wanted to kiss you goodnight & there's a lot of difference" - FB Post (loved it)

It wasn't the first time we met,
It wasn't the first time, I wanted to mention a little more,
How could I?
I broke my dear friend years back,
And now when he was whole,
I couldn't possibly take it away from him,
I'm half broken myself,
How could I call you upon another ruin,
And yet the desire was more than just that,
I twitched in dilemma every second,
And what dawned upon me was realization,
I realised if I hadn't loved you so long,
I'd be willing to break you apart to have my meets end,
And that was the most fatal mistake,
I loved someone who was my support,
How could I possible tilt it away from me, Whisper words of love and retrieve the bond?
It was fatal and it could fall apart in a moment.

So we left,
Things untouched 3 years back,
I don't know where I dwell anymore,
For my friend, I've lied to you,
And I cannot take it back,
For it will break you,
And an ego I foster,
I cannot ask you with all my might,
What sorrow holds you worried?
I haven't been the support, you've been to me,
And that aches much more,
For I love the gentle you, that I have seen once and have lost access to it,
I shall not pass,
Goodbye is not what I want to say anymore,
Let me hold in on my friend so tight,
That I might never have to let go.

Can I make you fall in love with me? Again?

Here's something very not me. I don't believe in some things and this is one of them. Remember the teenage soap of "Dil Dosti Dance", a dance romcom college soap that had this concept. I was amazed, definitely smitten by the 'Swayam' character and somewhere a lot of the youth I believe would have wanted a Sharon Swayam coupling for themselves. Now, I didn't believe in it, however, lately on my journey of love.....this has been a very different journey where I am beginning to feel differently.

There are different kinds of people that you would meet personally  ( I believe that's the first step to love/friendship)- some self-obsessed, some care but are unable to take a stand, some care and take the stand, some don't care all by themselves but they care because somebody else they love cares (this one believe me, let go). So what do I mean?

I mean: If it's true and you have a slight spark ( which may not be evident always), you may fall in love if one of the 2 people are fighting for it. Nonetheless for it to survive, you too have to throw in yourself and work for it. But it's the most beautiful feeling when you mean so much to someone, that they really only care about you ( in complete sense ). Look around you, maybe your best friend, maybe your favourite neighbour, maybe someone else. Rethink your life,  place all the people who you hold in high esteem and who have stayed when it really was difficult, count them now. That's love. Trust me, shiny clothes, expensive suits are easy to love but ragged human beings are the hardest to love. And if you had a friend smile at you then, that's what I mean is love. That's one of the reasons I have never believed in party friends.....I mean you're friends because I give you a party? Excuse me, I got better friends.....I'd rather spend my life on them than money on stuff that's so virtual. That doesn't mean you must not party.....just make sure they're the ones who stay (always).

I ditched my dear friend once and I regret it even today. They were done for selfless reasons, however, that's still something I aught fix. Have an excellent day....how? Make sure you're loved. That's how!

For young ladies out there : Forget handsome, forget rock star, fall in love with your best friend ( if you're lucky to have one). That's the only character that can make you fall in love more with life everyday. Trust me, there's always a more handsome guy, but there's never a better friend.....never. Don't set standards, love doesn't count boundaries.....it must be given and taken 'freely', otherwise it's not true enough.

For men : If you've grown up, you probably know being virtual doesn't go long run.

Don't forget to sign up with you email ids, I'm working on my little novel. I'll send you a copy to read for free, just put your email on the pop-up.

The Second Proposal

This is for you my friend, just for you. Years back I let the train leave and only that piece of poem saved me from breaking and then I thought I'd forget. But maybe, that's the best way of destroying me, of telling me, how precious a thing I had to let go.....how naive I was.

I haven't spoken to you for years,
It's been a while, probably a lot,
And I keep thinking if I'd been walking in a blooming garden only to ruin what I had wilfully given up,
I set you free, you didn't wish to leave,
And yet today, your face doesn't blur in my dream;

What choices I made you take,
I cannot believe how you survived it,
And I betrayed you as a friend,
Not standing by your side,
I ditched you once and again,
You didn't break or at least you never let me see it,
I broke too,
Trust me when I say,
I know you couldn't see it,
How could I let you?

If I were to do this,
It had to be real,
I had to convince you of its purpose,
I couldn't let you be beside a less deserving thing,
And see you come down to rags like me,
You were the bright one,
I had to let you go,
And I thought I'll figure it out,
But 8 years later, it still feels the same,
It still pains as much, I feel the void much more,
Of a friendly face who hung around through thick and thin,
You know this already,
And you must know it still,
You know the darkness I beheld,
You were the only one who leapt beyond virtual,
Who could see me lost in a crowd full of chaos,
I miss my dear friend, much more than anything,
I may not have known it before,
But I now know,
It was a blunder to let you go,
However the act was selfless so,
I meant all good, and still do,
I am a little selfish now,
For I crave the friend in you,
And I wished you read this,
I wish it everytime,
How would you know anyways,
That it was meant for you?

The first time around,
When the proposal hit,
I had this uncanny feeling,
I was a hit and miss,
The school did rounds of invalid rumours,
Which said you loved a girl so dear,
I was new and I meant not much,
It meant to me, my friend were at a loss,
I had the burden, I believed was mine,
I didn't want you to drag it along,
So I let you go instead,
To live a life you deserved,
But like I said,
8 years ahead,
I feel the same remorse, much heavier now

I don't want the train to leave,
I want the time to turn,
It won't, not yet,
My only hope is "The second proposal"

-MyDiary