ambitious me

Can ambition be a barrier to ambition?
"What an odd ques" said Adrid.
I so detest the feeling that creeps into oneself when you are in the mid of getting something and feeling confused about having it.

So, it does happen~
When all of a sudden,
a sudden offer -a dream job that expects you in a different location in 2days,
a sudden departure of innocent love,
a sudden life compelling decision,
a sudden exposure to adult manipulation,
a halt, a start, a stop or a pause,
and today when life is set to fly,
to break through the barriers that you always thought you wanted to drift by,
you don't know if it was all you want.
I don't know how to touch the inner heart,
to wriggle it -it's not the end,
there's more to achieve,
more to do,
and life is more to live!
The strong self who once proudly pronounced,
how denounced her dreams were,
are shaky of what is to come,
how the precious time has been wasted or dumped?

I was today given the job of a dreamer,
when i suddenly saw my sulking self,
what entirely took hold of my commanding self was unnamed
but something was wrong,
An untimely responsibility,
An unbelievably pensive mood set in,
And the fire seared my heart,
A question kept questioning me,
Was this all the end?
Was it worth what I lost?
Was my love lost in worth?
Was there a price of all those things I left behind,
Why does my mind go back to the life I've left,
The floors that have cracked,
The rivers that have tried,
Why do I dig the dried soul,
To savor the untimely leave,
To paint a new pic,
To bring the impossible,
To say the last words once again,
That I always miss....
But somewhere beneath this lies me,
Where the old soil smells fresh,
Where the heart is still humble,
Where the tears aren't dry,
Where life has a meaning more than bravery,
Where my missed last words are counted,
Where the me is not afraid of failure,
Where I don't need to prove anything,
And back there I will always return,
To the dearest of places,
Our home not house,
Where all dilemma shies,
Where I breadth again,
And looking into those huge gates,
think whether the things I left back may be waiting for me too..........



So I can thump my feet with the music on ....
may just...just once again

long live

Long live the soul that cries,
The window that creeks,
The bird that sings,
The milkman that comes,
The life that you reap;


The harp is sober,
The gentle wind blows,
The listener is bored,
Of the mundane day to go;
But sits here I,
The wannabe robot,
A slave to life,
Listening to the life around,
My ears are alive,
So touched by the not-so-mine life....
Wanting to be a part of it,
Living near but not being a part;

Sober life I ask you today,
Do we live or crave for what you donot give me?
Or is it meant to be this way?
The time never strikes here,
Destiny I know has a watch,
Have I crept into the wilderness of death?
Or have I met my fear?



The train surpasses me,
chuckles at my state,
Bringing back the wounds so fresh,
My laughter that hurts today,
I am old under the burden,
I feel like releasing it asap,
But destiny says life was meant to be so,
To live the burdens and smile in doing so;
I disagree....I smile at him,
When destiny cries I smirk at him,
For may be I cannot change my hands,
But I can make it a little more fun,
Everyday under a new era,
I wish to be a part of today,
To rethink the past,
To place it in today,
To undo my follies,
To redo my success stories,
And in between I donot know what I lose,
Some that I do know must never leave my thoughts,
They live in me,a part of me,
And here I am by the railway side,
A long wait for the left to come.....

Lost in the willows,
I repeat my question,
Do we live or crave for what you donot give me?
Or is it meant to be this way?
The time never strikes here,
Destiny I know has a watch,
Have I crept into the wilderness of death?
Or have I met my fear?
.....The hot air blows...A loud creek says another train is yet to come..