The Second Proposal

This is for you my friend, just for you. Years back I let the train leave and only that piece of poem saved me from breaking and then I thought I'd forget. But maybe, that's the best way of destroying me, of telling me, how precious a thing I had to let go.....how naive I was.

I haven't spoken to you for years,
It's been a while, probably a lot,
And I keep thinking if I'd been walking in a blooming garden only to ruin what I had wilfully given up,
I set you free, you didn't wish to leave,
And yet today, your face doesn't blur in my dream;

What choices I made you take,
I cannot believe how you survived it,
And I betrayed you as a friend,
Not standing by your side,
I ditched you once and again,
You didn't break or at least you never let me see it,
I broke too,
Trust me when I say,
I know you couldn't see it,
How could I let you?

If I were to do this,
It had to be real,
I had to convince you of its purpose,
I couldn't let you be beside a less deserving thing,
And see you come down to rags like me,
You were the bright one,
I had to let you go,
And I thought I'll figure it out,
But 8 years later, it still feels the same,
It still pains as much, I feel the void much more,
Of a friendly face who hung around through thick and thin,
You know this already,
And you must know it still,
You know the darkness I beheld,
You were the only one who leapt beyond virtual,
Who could see me lost in a crowd full of chaos,
I miss my dear friend, much more than anything,
I may not have known it before,
But I now know,
It was a blunder to let you go,
However the act was selfless so,
I meant all good, and still do,
I am a little selfish now,
For I crave the friend in you,
And I wished you read this,
I wish it everytime,
How would you know anyways,
That it was meant for you?

The first time around,
When the proposal hit,
I had this uncanny feeling,
I was a hit and miss,
The school did rounds of invalid rumours,
Which said you loved a girl so dear,
I was new and I meant not much,
It meant to me, my friend were at a loss,
I had the burden, I believed was mine,
I didn't want you to drag it along,
So I let you go instead,
To live a life you deserved,
But like I said,
8 years ahead,
I feel the same remorse, much heavier now

I don't want the train to leave,
I want the time to turn,
It won't, not yet,
My only hope is "The second proposal"

-MyDiary