Just hold my hand

The sundry weather's making me sweat, the noise, the traffic nothing is in peace. Everyone's hurrying for a life they don't want. I'm solemnly pledging each day to do things I can't and so are the people in the Red Bus. Like so many Indians, I'm here in the middle of a grand city, full of life, party and money flowing from MNCs. I have it all and yet I have none. Do you feel the same way sometimes?



I work like almost everyone today in an IT MNC and have no reason for bargaining. I could almost tell you what it takes to be here  - 'You'. I'm in a new city, I left back the me I used to be. I also left back telling something to someone very special. Now it cannot be undone, now we are in different cities and he doesn't know about it so it's not even LDR(Long distance relationship).

Nostalgia is drifting me apart from this glam city while the weather gets cloudy. I can feel those days once again...... Me in spectacles, dodging between my dreams and a degree to keep up. Nilesh being the complete opposite, I didn't even know him until my third year. I never knew whether we clicked but I do remember how i'd gaze at him at times. At times I thought he did too but i'm not sure. After the tense on-campus placements, I was the one without a job. I was completely amazed  once again at his quick wit. My tragedy was elsewhere, we weren't in the same company and me jobless. I had almost decided that after I landed a job I'll ask him the 'Formidable question'. But alas, I left too soon and every joy was left in the 'city-of-joy'.


I ramble over the questions that often cloud my mind. While passing the corridor, you had looked into my eyes-didn't you? While I laughed away at my Bff's joke carelessly you did gaze at me-didn't you? Was there not a silent moment when you were lost in the big crowd and you smiled back at me? Was there not a moment when you shyly stared from the classroom door? Or was there? Nevertheless, I've ignored you and I have forever been sorry for that. Had I taken that moment and learnt to live my life like you did maybe, just maybe my life would be better. But you knew me. I didn't learn to live all my life, I always lived for something, for Expectations, for Believe, for a Reason. You didn't believe in 'the tomorrow' so you flirt,love,bunk and just lived. I was nothing like that. I lived for a reason, if there was no one to expect then I set them for myself, making life tougher than it was. And so I ignored love because I didn't believe in it.You for the first time changed things, you loved me for no Reason. You cared while I didn't.

You were the reason why I was able to leave failure behind and recover from the devastated self I was. All this was too good to be true and I had fallen in love, started believing in something which never existed for me and realized much much later.I wish you had asked what I could not, I wished the people around us weren't always there. I wish we had some private moments where I had not to pretend, not meet the social norms, not be who I am not! I wish we had taken some time for this, I wish I had asked you back that very day. For now I know nothing can be changed , should have told you then 'Just Hold My Hand'.


It's strange how I see people communicating in the public, they are doing the right thing, they are being bold or they'd suffer like we do. Why do I need all this privacy, maybe because I am after all as shy as you are. Maybe I should not have been back then, not many people challenged my believes! I just don't want to make it worse, if in-case you never thought like I had. You are in a new city yourself and I'm afraid you'll meet someone and perhaps go on. I've tried to too but it doesn't work. I just told you no one else made me believe in 'love' and how could I move on with something I can't believe in?

Oh, look at me brimming, you just texted. Is this good or miserable? I dream on with a virtual guy who's probably into someone else. My distracted eyes can even hallucinate? I'm getting crazy, I can see you? I definitely need help. I'm trying to run away from your dummy but I can't , it's holding me so tight. The people around me are staring, ask your dummy not to hold me, I want to run away from embarrassment.
 'How Long ?', it asks.
Am I suffering from 'Schizophrenia'?
'No, of course not, whatever that is'! 'Do you love me?And all that post on your blogger is on me?'
I still can't run, I can feel the dummy and converse with it like real. Even if this is virtual, I can live my life with it.

He Loves Me Too

'No. I love the real Nilesh, not you'.
Now was the devastating moment, we were kissing in public? I can feel a dream? I reached out to get my mobile and clicked a pic, forced myself away and saw the photograph. It was him, the real him. How?He was in Chennai....


He really did fly all this way, believing that the posts were on him, believing that in that one uncertain moment I had smiled at him, believing that this was all worth it! I wish we had some private time before, nonetheless I would never like missing this phenomenal kiss ;). So I whisper to him 'Just Hold My Hand'. While we remain states away, we'll fly far holding our hands together, so we have many more of these close up moments.


[Link (added as contest rules): http://bit.ly/1epU8Uj ]