The childhood days often wipe out of our minds into thin mist of the past, the favorite moments left for us to draw strength during failure.I'm here today on the typing pad because of some of these tormenting pieces.
The bits that I may put forward before I once again gain my composure.
....
When I woke up today morning,
my pillow lay wet,
The corner of my eyes not dry as yet,
The window lay open,
And the cool breeze pinning me onto my bed......
was it a dream again?
Those tormenting dreams?.
....LEt me take a break......leave me...let me live!!!!
This by far my gravest incident had landed me with the psychiatrist and then on I donot shout out my fear!
Today was the same day once again........only the torment lay within, I felt like a lonesome self crying to be freed from within....but the outside lay calm,composed like an ideal self.
The rain outside seems to dull the feeling within me......a screaming self I can feel.....the rage searing in me.
Unsaid words can leave you insane and today in a wild world I was getting married, my mind frail, unable to comprehend the pace,left in the backyards of my dreams....in sober pensive mood.The animal within me had to be released, everytime it tried to soar high!It was a painful sight, how I fought with myself to tame the untamed beast, to make my self a slave to the society.I, and only I had the key to the dreams.....the psychiatrist was trying to snatch from me.
I was getting married,no tears,no feeling-I was numb.No interest,no challenge,no emotions,no word-the water was rising beyond the marks.A plan had materialised, a well-planned chalked plan that would cure me in 2months time.Rashir was overenthusiastic over it, he being an absolutely great guy.I often thought may be he too should know what I do but again he might still not leave I felt.
On the terrace I stand, flashbacks of the good times comeback.When rain wasn't acid rain, when life was nothing more than small quarrels and games,when I felt omnipotent when the rain stopped when I wanted to play,when going to college was nothing more than friends.And there in the crowd we came across some beautiful days.....where we swore over our lives and wouldn't part till death.The wet grass came floating by,the ten of us lay on it.We had spent our sleepless nights over counting stars and making dreams and then again we had moved onto the devilish night.On that very trip I had lost everything-atleast everything that lasts forever.Naithl had hidden my ring while we played 'HotCold game'.The soil was wet and even after two full days of searching, nothing was to be found.I can see how he comes to me and gives the same kind of ring, pretty good forgery I could see but I had more in that than the price......it could never be replaced!Naithl had lost my faith.....along with that I lost the rest.Everyone out there never knew why or what but they apparently said Naithl had done his best!
It was an antique ring, one that my grandmother had found in her teens.No one had she told save me . I had worn it on every second of my life from the time she left me, it was like she was close to me.Then on everything changed....ample forgiveness could not change what had gone wrong.The bond remained intact, words remained unsaid yet we had parted.What's App wasn't where we met, our hearts still cried out of reach other but the lost ring tormented me, every night, every day, I had lost the right to live I felt.
My brother's distant voice brings me back.From the terrace what I see, I cannot believe....I can see a face I had seen twelve years back.I'm in an unstable mind, I hush away the mind with a wave. What I had lost was more than the ring,Naithl was my best mate and he never got to know that-i wasn't sure if that was good or bad but today when things had turned upside down,there was noone I could remember more than him.
I was known for the impulse way too back and the doctor said I felt intensely and that it could be madness.But I knew how it was for me either nothing or a great deal.I really would feel intensely and impulsively but I had the courage to do what I said, to live and die for the ones I loved.And in the mad 10 group we each felt just in place, noone judged us,we were all faithful and Naithl was my best pal.Infact I often thought may be more.Half apart we had spent our lives in distinct areas, different places,diverse cultures and never seeing eachother had softened my heart.Anyways it was fragile the doctor would say.
I once again glanced into the crowd below,Naithl wasn't there-now it was right,the ideal mundane life expects this.Time was racing , only few moments were left for the ultimate death.My voice suddenly cracked.Naithl was right in front of me.I could see nothing more then....I think the other 8 were also there.
I don't know how or why but I flung my hands around him rambling all that came to my mind.It was far too difficult to keep it all to me for the past twelve years.I felt light at once even though I wept.Naithl hugged me so tight-like we usually did and then whispered in my ears.My eyes lit at once and I was ready to escape.It was a funny moment, a sudden thought but you know I felt intensely and was far too impulsive!Naithl was taking me to the ice cream parlour we often went, I felt it was so right-half concerned of the timid Rashir.Once there we hopped to get the best new flavor they gave discounts on the month's first and now things got serious-far more than I could take.
Naithl took out a platinum ring all shiny and new.I was taken aback,every guilt redeploying in me!I at once got furious but before I could leave Naithl caught my hand.He said in a calm brilliant posture,
"It took me twelve years to bring back your smile,now you will not leave!".I closely strained to look at the mark,. it had a stone missing.....it was the same old ring that I had lost.....not the new one.I wasn't sure if it was me but as I am impulsive,I did marry him.Rashir was a good guy but he could never know how intensity was not madness,how obsession was an expression.And here i am , I type with my platinum ring......one tha must never part!!!!!!!
The bits that I may put forward before I once again gain my composure.
....
When I woke up today morning,
my pillow lay wet,
The corner of my eyes not dry as yet,
The window lay open,
And the cool breeze pinning me onto my bed......
was it a dream again?
Those tormenting dreams?.
....LEt me take a break......leave me...let me live!!!!
This by far my gravest incident had landed me with the psychiatrist and then on I donot shout out my fear!
Today was the same day once again........only the torment lay within, I felt like a lonesome self crying to be freed from within....but the outside lay calm,composed like an ideal self.
The rain outside seems to dull the feeling within me......a screaming self I can feel.....the rage searing in me.
Unsaid words can leave you insane and today in a wild world I was getting married, my mind frail, unable to comprehend the pace,left in the backyards of my dreams....in sober pensive mood.The animal within me had to be released, everytime it tried to soar high!It was a painful sight, how I fought with myself to tame the untamed beast, to make my self a slave to the society.I, and only I had the key to the dreams.....the psychiatrist was trying to snatch from me.
I was getting married,no tears,no feeling-I was numb.No interest,no challenge,no emotions,no word-the water was rising beyond the marks.A plan had materialised, a well-planned chalked plan that would cure me in 2months time.Rashir was overenthusiastic over it, he being an absolutely great guy.I often thought may be he too should know what I do but again he might still not leave I felt.
On the terrace I stand, flashbacks of the good times comeback.When rain wasn't acid rain, when life was nothing more than small quarrels and games,when I felt omnipotent when the rain stopped when I wanted to play,when going to college was nothing more than friends.And there in the crowd we came across some beautiful days.....where we swore over our lives and wouldn't part till death.The wet grass came floating by,the ten of us lay on it.We had spent our sleepless nights over counting stars and making dreams and then again we had moved onto the devilish night.On that very trip I had lost everything-atleast everything that lasts forever.Naithl had hidden my ring while we played 'HotCold game'.The soil was wet and even after two full days of searching, nothing was to be found.I can see how he comes to me and gives the same kind of ring, pretty good forgery I could see but I had more in that than the price......it could never be replaced!Naithl had lost my faith.....along with that I lost the rest.Everyone out there never knew why or what but they apparently said Naithl had done his best!
It was an antique ring, one that my grandmother had found in her teens.No one had she told save me . I had worn it on every second of my life from the time she left me, it was like she was close to me.Then on everything changed....ample forgiveness could not change what had gone wrong.The bond remained intact, words remained unsaid yet we had parted.What's App wasn't where we met, our hearts still cried out of reach other but the lost ring tormented me, every night, every day, I had lost the right to live I felt.
My brother's distant voice brings me back.From the terrace what I see, I cannot believe....I can see a face I had seen twelve years back.I'm in an unstable mind, I hush away the mind with a wave. What I had lost was more than the ring,Naithl was my best mate and he never got to know that-i wasn't sure if that was good or bad but today when things had turned upside down,there was noone I could remember more than him.
I was known for the impulse way too back and the doctor said I felt intensely and that it could be madness.But I knew how it was for me either nothing or a great deal.I really would feel intensely and impulsively but I had the courage to do what I said, to live and die for the ones I loved.And in the mad 10 group we each felt just in place, noone judged us,we were all faithful and Naithl was my best pal.Infact I often thought may be more.Half apart we had spent our lives in distinct areas, different places,diverse cultures and never seeing eachother had softened my heart.Anyways it was fragile the doctor would say.
I once again glanced into the crowd below,Naithl wasn't there-now it was right,the ideal mundane life expects this.Time was racing , only few moments were left for the ultimate death.My voice suddenly cracked.Naithl was right in front of me.I could see nothing more then....I think the other 8 were also there.
I don't know how or why but I flung my hands around him rambling all that came to my mind.It was far too difficult to keep it all to me for the past twelve years.I felt light at once even though I wept.Naithl hugged me so tight-like we usually did and then whispered in my ears.My eyes lit at once and I was ready to escape.It was a funny moment, a sudden thought but you know I felt intensely and was far too impulsive!Naithl was taking me to the ice cream parlour we often went, I felt it was so right-half concerned of the timid Rashir.Once there we hopped to get the best new flavor they gave discounts on the month's first and now things got serious-far more than I could take.
Naithl took out a platinum ring all shiny and new.I was taken aback,every guilt redeploying in me!I at once got furious but before I could leave Naithl caught my hand.He said in a calm brilliant posture,
"It took me twelve years to bring back your smile,now you will not leave!".I closely strained to look at the mark,. it had a stone missing.....it was the same old ring that I had lost.....not the new one.I wasn't sure if it was me but as I am impulsive,I did marry him.Rashir was a good guy but he could never know how intensity was not madness,how obsession was an expression.And here i am , I type with my platinum ring......one tha must never part!!!!!!!
thanks :) The pleasure's all mine
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