ambitious me

Can ambition be a barrier to ambition?
"What an odd ques" said Adrid.
I so detest the feeling that creeps into oneself when you are in the mid of getting something and feeling confused about having it.

So, it does happen~
When all of a sudden,
a sudden offer -a dream job that expects you in a different location in 2days,
a sudden departure of innocent love,
a sudden life compelling decision,
a sudden exposure to adult manipulation,
a halt, a start, a stop or a pause,
and today when life is set to fly,
to break through the barriers that you always thought you wanted to drift by,
you don't know if it was all you want.
I don't know how to touch the inner heart,
to wriggle it -it's not the end,
there's more to achieve,
more to do,
and life is more to live!
The strong self who once proudly pronounced,
how denounced her dreams were,
are shaky of what is to come,
how the precious time has been wasted or dumped?

I was today given the job of a dreamer,
when i suddenly saw my sulking self,
what entirely took hold of my commanding self was unnamed
but something was wrong,
An untimely responsibility,
An unbelievably pensive mood set in,
And the fire seared my heart,
A question kept questioning me,
Was this all the end?
Was it worth what I lost?
Was my love lost in worth?
Was there a price of all those things I left behind,
Why does my mind go back to the life I've left,
The floors that have cracked,
The rivers that have tried,
Why do I dig the dried soul,
To savor the untimely leave,
To paint a new pic,
To bring the impossible,
To say the last words once again,
That I always miss....
But somewhere beneath this lies me,
Where the old soil smells fresh,
Where the heart is still humble,
Where the tears aren't dry,
Where life has a meaning more than bravery,
Where my missed last words are counted,
Where the me is not afraid of failure,
Where I don't need to prove anything,
And back there I will always return,
To the dearest of places,
Our home not house,
Where all dilemma shies,
Where I breadth again,
And looking into those huge gates,
think whether the things I left back may be waiting for me too..........



So I can thump my feet with the music on ....
may just...just once again