The lost love

Have you had the feeling of shackles pulling onto your feet when the new light is trying to touch upon you? The darkness that you have loved for so long becomes so much a part of you and you live it.

The light doesn't come in here,
It has been a few years since the shackles have been removed,
I am not chained,
But I sit exactly at the same place,
And I do not twitch for the freedom as you'd me to do.

The songs do not reach my ear,
The birds don't come so far,
Into the lost woods of decay,
It is a place for the maggots, worms and insects,
They encircle the cave around,
And make my ears susceptible to various sounds,
The feel of deep dark caves have become my air,
In it I breathe and move into more alienation,
Time is not what counts,
It is neverending-it doesn't even matter.

And I remember that when one time,
The sun had made up its mind,
To change the nocturnal world,
To feed us its rays,
It strived very hard,
The light I say,
Tried terrible measures,
Often put back by the inability to rule the dark gods,
And I was an object of interest in the fight;

Human nature was little known for instability,
It's urge to enter the deemed free world may have made the sun feel superior,
How was it to know,
The dark gods don't enslave you,
You become them,
What you fear,
And you fear yourself,
So much that you'd be a part of the crime,
Than defend yourself,
The dark eats you whole,
But leaves a part of you alive and more wanting,
This part wants more of the darkness,
It sees in the dark,
Feeds on it,
And defends it,
Beyond the logic and that is where I sit;

Shackles are what I had,
Now it is natural,
For so many years,
This is me and I accept me.

I did try to escape,
Everyone does,
But spared is no one,
In the world outside,
There is love, security and freedom,
But we all come back with hunger for the deepest darks,
The pure oxygen outside makes our lungs creak,
We must rock the dark rocks,
And play with the worms,
To satisfy our insatiable hunger;

And so I am sorry,
To the sun and moon and every human out there,
You've tried,
Maybe not enough sometimes,
But a lot,
And I want you to know I appreciate that more humanly than possible for me,
I sat here that day,
Trying to hold on the your hands,
Thinking the light can do me good,
The love could cure the hungry souls within,
And then I felt my shackles around my legs,
They felt more real than the first time,
I still tried to break through them,
I know it was hard for you to come for me,
Risking being a part of this place,
I want you to know I tried,
But as I said,
The darkness was us,
It wasn't a part of us anymore,
The only way I could survive the blinding torche,
Was by making you a part of us,
And that I would not wish,
So I had to let the shackles become part of it again,
So I stayed back,
You wouldn't understand,
But that's the idea always :)

Did I say- I wanted you to try harder,
May be there is a way after all!

The Master & his Slave

He watched the angry sea waters lash at him,
He felt the grains of sand seep in and out of his feet,
And felt the thrill like a child

From the corner of his eye,
When he noticed his Slave standing close by,
His face tensed and eyebrows knitted tight,
With a grim face, he commanded, "Stop Mighty Sea",
The waters came roaring back,
In revolt, reminding the lost king of his loss...

He fell on his knees,
And his body crooked,
He weeped a little,
And calmed his pain he thought;

The loss was draining him,
He was no king anymore,
But a king is a king always he thought,
Then what is he now,
Without the masses of followers,
With just one slave left,
He must be king to her he thought,
Until the pain kills him anyways;

He roared like a threatened lion,
At the only slave who had followed him to his grave,
She lowered down and bowed to him,
Just like it were the palace grounds,
His alter ego felt obliged,
But he kept his king face stern,
A king must always be a king he thought,
The lie was doing him no good;

He then said to her, "I have no money left you know, why did you follow into this doom?"
He looked at her for the first time so close,
She had a young pretty face,
Harsh with the sun,
Tired with the labour,
Bruised by the torture,
In the moon light, it glowed a little,
And it carried what grace might be ashamed to admit its worth,
She smiled a little and bowed half down,
And from an empty stomach,
She said, "You are my king, I have known nothing more"

He smiled inside,
Many more times than he had ever on the throne,
He looked at the water and thought to himself,
This will be journey,
Sometime to go around my Kingdom,
With a queen worth having;

He walked to her,
So close, he thought she would flinch,
She didn’t,
He looked at her eyes and lost some moments count,
He embraced her tight,
The king got lost somewhere in between,
He never needed it again;

The Game: 'Table Tennis'

Here is a game I didn't love. I had no reason to fall for it anytime soon. I like the sun, the trees, the wind in the air and I like the legs moving around, so no this was not my game. And yet it became a part of me, more compellingly than I could ever imagine....when something happened.

The game interested me the day I met someone. I hated the fact that it could have influenced me so highly and I have lived in a dream longer than I can remember. I didn't ask for it, I never do. You stood right there unless I felt guilty of my ignorance, inhuman in my own rights, until I turned around. You still didn't flinch. I was too convinced you'd never leave.....but just about when your insatiable hunger was fed, you fled. So rapid that I could hardly consider it human.
I stood there with an unbearable urge to learn a game from you and myself. It took me through the troughs of love I never wanted to be haunted by. It took me so much time to face that table once again. The game had done me no harm but it reminded me of you. I still fall in love with the wrist bands you wore, with the words you spoke, with the game that was ours.
On a stronger day, I faced my fear, I walked up and decided to face the fact you won't be there and may be that was for the best. When you can't face small things, a life along would be rather pitiable. I don't hate you, I can't, rather I'd thank you. You gave me a sport I can rejoice in, this sport had given me a lot of great people.....mostly it had taught me to face it alone. A loner I was always, just a bit stronger now and it grows within me everyday.

The symbol of love

There she was,
Hanging daintily from the rock solid grave stone,
Looking over the grave,
Catching a glimpse of the sideway,
Caressing the wind from time to time,
When a man she heard weep,
Below her in a soft muffled voice;

"Why does not love me back mother?
Why isn't this we?
I am but the one left alone,
While you crumble under this tree"

He turned away from his mother's stone,
And she saw his eyes just once,
They were moist with tears of the male ego,
Silently hidden from the world around,
They were also very dark black,
Like the tunnel had no end,
The boy's grievance seemed petty to the loss he was sitting beside,
She winced at the misfortune life brings,
And thought to herself,
Maybe not being human was never a loss;

She twirled the wind,
And hastened the breeze,
The flowers on the mulberry tree,
Softly landed on the boy's face,
He smiled as they caressed him,
As he walked away,
And she smiled too;

As days passed,
He came again,
Everyday to the same place,
Talking his mind to the mindless breeze,
That nudged him to open up,
While she played the music in the wind,
To soothe his wounds,
And he playfully wishpered his miseries,
And longed to meet the girl he wished as his wife,
The birds chirped and leaves rustled,
He never heard her voice,
But she listened to all he wanted and wished he found them soon;

One day he said,
"I come here everyday,
I come here by choice,
There is some feeling of peace I feel here,
I feel rejoiced,
As if someone cares for me,
As if I am not alone,
I feel my soul is at peace,
I feel I am me,
And truly accepted for my being,
I love this place,
I know not why,
But u love it beyond repair";

She smiled to herself,
Satisfied with her silent caress,
Satisfied that the boy had been cherishing her  company,
Even though her presence was not identified,
She was scared,
A symbol cannot be live,
And that one time she thought,
Maybe she wished she the human,
With a melodious voice,
Who could sing her song,
Or write a letter,
But alas she was here,
Overlooking the grave,
And crying with the dead souls,
A song of trouble, misfortune and grave;

Destiny must be of immediate consequence,
That her hopes were doomed before they blossomed in her very bosom,
He walked in with a fair lady,
With a wedding ring on her finger,
He kissed her softly but passionately,
And brought her in front of the stone,
He told her tales of how he came here,
While she wasn't his,
She looked distant but nodded between the times of silence,
She looked pretty in the white gown,
And held his hand with a light grip,
To soothe a friend,
Like a passing phase,
Her heart broke to see them stand down,
In front of her they stood,
To take his mother's blessing,
And he sounded like a kid,
Happy that he had finally found the girl in his life,
Finally she thought of him as he did.
The wind twirled like before a storm,
The graves shook like before an earthquake,
The rain came thumping down,
As if it were on war with the ground,
Throwing granades at it,
It's turbulent flow easily gauged,
He slowly guided her in the shade of the stone,
The two of them huddled together to wait for the thunder to stop;

The symbol of love she was,
With a heart of endless volumes,
She slowly pulled the strings of faith,
Telling her friends,
To stop showing their dismay,
While the storm stopped rumbling,
The two walked away,
Into the desserts of their life,
A story lived here to be told sometime,
The only hope he gave was,
He would return everyday like he always did,
Because he found solace here,
Love here,
Which remained inexplicable,
But he felt wanted here,
So the symbol of love,
Waits for him,
To caress his hair,
To chide his insecurities,
To see him up close,
But maybe it was a dream,
He hadn't returned to the merry land,
He may have survived the wicked world,
Or it may have made him a part of it!

She thought to herself,
Feeling shy,
Feeling dejected,
For she fell in love with a silent vow,
And she knew somewhere it was insane,
But she loved him with her all,
And she swings in his thoughts even today,
Her soul is sad,
Touched by the curse of human emotions,
She feels the pain,
But cannot cry!

The Ignorant Modern Man & Woman

When you look at me,
You will be drawn to me,
For various reasons,
But you will not claim it publicly,
Because shallow is celebrated,
Depth is not,
References are encouraged,
Resonance is not,
And you will think I am distant,
I am and you can't deal with it....

I don't know you,
But I will get to know you more than you know yourself in sometime,
And that scares you too,
So I appreciate when you decide to stay,
Against your adrenaline flight,
I decide to trust you a little,
And there is a mutual understanding....

We share some time,
I am also comfortable to take your fries,
We are on the same page,
But I mentioned what a chaos I am,
You only laughed wildly,
Which I fell in love with,
But when it was time for you to face it,
You were startled!

You may have laughed,
You may have enjoyed the value proposition,
But beyond that was outside your imagination,
You were ready for the joy ride,
But not for the wild fire that will envelope you under moments of crisis,
You stood there not taking a stand,
Me feeling naked,
Stripped of my pride,
I am for this one reason ignorant to all humans,
Because I have learnt,
You speak promises but you can't keep them,
You want all the thrill, not the war,
You can't withstand the wind which I can for you,
You are a good weather man,
You are but dwindled into a half modern day man,
Capable of everything but intensity,
You thus cannot love with the depths,
You cannot free yourself to the world,
You remain ignorant to the true meanings of love,
And you have created a wall for the women who dared to love you!

So, I am ignorant,
Of all humans,
Most of them will fail in emotions,
How wrong can I be?
There will be some rare gems though,
Who will be otherwise,
And they are our only hope of manhood!